cydniey

I can trust only you with this next level honesty

My Nana is dying. Slowly. It's to the point where the doctors can just make her comfortable as possible. I don't know if hospice care is in her future, or if she'll just go home from the hospital and let my uncle, PissFace, continue to care for her.

And I guess PissFace feels he is owed something and is already carving up the inheritance. But my mom does my Nana's books and will likely be the executrix of the will.

I'm just glad I am one person removed from all of this. I told Kraig I wanted the house, whatever shape it is in, my favorite childhood memories happened there. I never felt unsafe there. But I don't want to "lay claim" to anything because my Nana is still very much alive and that is her house.

Meanwhile my father is dancing with death and they keep fighting over who is leading. My brother takes care of him when my mom is at work or in Oakland to see my Nana. 

Ok, I have unloaded. No emotional stuff, I can't even begin to comprehend the loss of the person I most love, and the person I most hate near to death. I'm just pushing the emotions down right now. There is no point in mourning the living. I see no sense in it. I have my little black dress for his funeral. I won't be going to hers. My mom won't have one. Maybe a memorial service. I don't expect to be notified about either, though I made my brother promise me. If it comes down to me or mom, he will choose her. So I don't make him choose.

The cats are okay. We're down to 7 and 2 dogs. They all seem to get along unless a cat gets near a dog dish, then there is growling and gnashing of teeth, and the cats. One dog, Chewbacca, our first, the little border terrier is now a Certified ESA K-9. I carry a copy of my doctor's letter and am saving up for the paper certification.

The band is on haitus. J1 is out of the country and J2 is having family time. I just want them to get the record recorded so we can move on. They've gotten a couple of 5 song gigs, but D says it isn't worth it, with the time it takes to get the cage up and down. None of it really involves me. I gave D a critique of what I see at rehearsal with the three of them. I'm not sure how it went over. If he disagreed, if he thought I was full of shit, or if he thought I was just mouthy. I've had two text conversations that he left in the start of. So, I don't know what is going on with them.

That's it. That's all.

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