Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

Have I eaten lately?

Oh, yes, day three of Free Greek Meal, compliments of Doc's lil sis. Okay. So I don't have to eat today. Pressure off. I can have an Ensure to take my meds with and not deal with solid food. I had Doc get me, a few weeks ago, a bag of Frito's and a can of Frito-Lay bean dip (this is a combination I have eaten since I can remember, one of the very few foods from my childhood that has remained unchanged over the decades). It hurt my teeth and exposed gums so badly to crunch those mothers, but I did it. I had about a serving and a half over three days and gave up and gave the rest to Doc. So worth it!

My tongue is almost healed. Didn't I mention that? Yeah, part of a back molar sheared off and I have a half inch gash in the side of my tongue, with a quarter inch gash next to it. I just refer to them both as "the cut." It's been two weeks now. Bitch won't heal. I think I keep opening it up when I sleep, because some mornings it feels fresh. But it didn't today, and there was no dried blood around my mouth when I woke up, and the swelling is manageable, I can talk today. So maybe it is healing. I got some of that Ortho-Wax to put over the sheared part, to stop it opening back up, but that didn't work. I even tried stuffing the tooth with it and covering the sharp part (the molar is hollowed out, it's actually a crown which is why the wax won't stick), but as soon as I take my finger or tongue away, it comes out, and I usually inhale and choke on it. So I stopped playing with that.

I started a new journal I'm calling a "Free Journal". I used one of those cheap composition books that Doc got me. What I am doing is, since it has those wide lines, I am using felt tip pens to write with. And since those bleed through the extra thin paper that is meant for pencil, I don't write on the other side, instead, I am gluing small coloring projects to the backs of the pages, and using it as a journal and coloring book. That way I don't have to carry around a bunch of loose coloring pages with me. And Doc surprised me with a clear pencil box with a blue lid and Galifreyan markings. Together, those should fit into my Tigger backpack to take to the dog park with me this fall.

There is such a thing as a Rocket Racoon (Guardians of the Galaxy), backpack. Made with the same idea as the "legitimate" Tigger backpacks, the arms are attached to the straps, so beastie is hugging you while you carry him. I want it, but the last time I spent $40 on a stuffed thing was, incidentally, when I bought the Tigger backpack over a decade and a half ago, when I was making $50k a year. I now make 8k a year. I can't justify spending that on a fuzzy backpack that will only fit and iPad or five, But not a damn laptop. Rocket is just a couple of inches bigger than Tigger in the compartment, which is why I want him. Also, there's a couple of icky hipster chicks in the scene with Tigger backpacks. One is authentic Disney, the other is a knock-off, but kudos for them getting them from their mothers.

The nightmare with the pharmacy company is over for now. Doc wrote an appeal, asking that I be allowed to get 30 day scripts that are covered for the year by a manufactrer's coupon, instead of the 90 day scripts that are not, and cost me several hundred dollars at a time, which we have not been able to afford, which is why I was off my meds and had a psychotic break and posted it on youtube and ugh. The company sent back some form letter, we assumed was in response, since it is all we got from them. It had nothing to do with what we had asked. It had to do with approving and alternate medication for me, and they made suggestions, but no mention of the appeal, or request.

Just for shits and giggles one desperate night, Doc called the pharmacy we go to and caught the head pharmacist, who has been away all summer and unable to help us. She found out there was a 30 day refill of my anti-psychotic (it needs up to 30 days to work), and to humor him, ran the insurance . . . it went through!!!! Then, two weeks later, when I got my new script, it went through again (I guess because I am approved for up to 90 days supply at a time, glitch in their rules), so I got another month's supply! We will keep getting and filling scripts as long as the insurance and the coupon allow, until I have a safety net again. I CANNOT have another psychotic break. They are getting worse. This one lasted over two weeks. Maybe over three. It's all pretty hazy, and I only wrote for some of it and I lied about a lot of things during it. I'm not proud of that, but it's the truth.

I also didn't get any hate mail from my shrink after going off on him. They haven't called to make an appointment, but they haven't contacted me with bad news, either, and I know Robin would call and personally tell me. I still don't think I'm going back. I have a few months of meds. I can wait for an intake eval with a new Doctor. I could have my records with me, which would make them ethically able to immediately write me new scripts for my meds. I know the one I am going to, if she is taking patients. She is Iranian. Not that it matters, it doesn't even matter that she is a she. I just think it's cool that she wears a veil outside of her office, in the waiting area and reception area, but then takes it off when we get face to face. She's nice. I didn't like her because she wanted to talk, and I just wanted my meds at the time. Now I want a doctor who talks, who I trust with my whole history, who maybe can be my ally and advocate.

Jeeze, this got long. What the hell have I said now? The movie is almost over, and it was just beginning when I started this. Now I have to start the movie all over again, because I have only seen "The Fifth Element" 1,497 times. 1,498 if you count me mouthing the words along to this one as I typed.

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