Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

Dear Diary, A Pitiful Story, Really

Dear Diary,


So here’s the skinny: I am too stupid to live. I have been talking to a trans woman online. A girly girl who likes anime and gaming and does computer geekery. A woman with deep thoughts, weird thoughts, happy thoughts, down thoughts. Someone I got along so well with . . . I mean, kindred spirit kind of thing. When Moon came over Sunday evening, this is who I saw. This is who I talked to. This is who I confirmed plans for Thursday with.


It wasn’t until Doc voiced what he saw, in pretty simple and blunt terms, that I started to think. Over the past couple of days, I have figured it out.


First, what I was faced with, purely based on physical appearances: a somewhat overweight, tangled haired, pre-any kind of physical transition, in complete slobby gamer boy clothes with clunky, grubby athletic shoes, man, slightly taller than me. Nothing about her was feminine. Not one word, not one phrase, not one mannerism, not one conversation topic that she picked. And she was clearly intimidated by Doc, who was doing his best impersonation of a happy, hospitable person.


When Doc got blunt about her looks later, I felt sucker punched. But she stopped messaging me, so the problem really solved itself. I have been rejected by a “whatever” gamer geek with thinning hair. Happy birthday to me.


And that is the Story of Moon. And the Story of Cydniey Trying to Make Friends. And the story of Cydniey Doing any Desperate Thing to Make her Birthday at Least Entertaining. Fin.

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