Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

Dear Diary, Self Doubt Edition

Dear Diary,

Have I bitten off more than I can chew with reviving the Period Pride jewelry line? I haven’t gotten so much as a bite on it, have I just not found my feminista audience yet? It was really popular before. I sold out of stuff as fast as I could make it. It started the whole jewelry thing. I’m not completely down in the dumps, people are “favorite”-ing all of the other items in my shop, so that is a good sign. I am just wondering about the PP stuff. To me, it’s genius, who’s time has come. But we all know me.

My other source of self-doubt is ever present, just rearing its ugly head again. Website traffic. With my search engine optimization done and done and my rankings in the search engines rising week by week, my traffic has dropped from dribs and drabs to nothing at all. Now back up to one hit a day. I think I know who that one is. I am flummoxed. I am doing everything the search engine thingys are telling me to do. My assesment scores in my weekly reports are very high. My rankings are steadily rising. My traffic has bottomed out and I feel like I have wasted the last 16 years, and especially the last one.

So there’s my self-doubt.

The animals and I are having a cleaning-dance party later. We have some chores we have been ignoring, so I decided to put on some music and turn on all the lights and make it a party. It will all only take an hour, I don’t ignore things for very long, and with music and light, the animals will have more fun with the stress of the vacuum and litter box cleaning. They are like me, they don’t like change.

I had my first phone issue today. I ran out of space. I added apps to the five stores we shop at, and that put me over the top. So I had to figure out how to move the apps to the SD card, which I did figure out how to do, and did. So now I have space. Now I just have to keep from dropping it until I can get that battle case for it that I found on It’s on my wishlisht, if you want to order it for my birthday, maybe amazon will actually get it to me.

The bad news is that the phone will not take better pictures of the jewelry than the camera. The good news is, the camera is scared, and has started taking nice pictures of the jewelry. The shots I got today were great. I was really happy with them. Detail, true color, everything. Stupid camera. I just had to appeal to its feelings. Its pride.

I’m going to make a collection of my new “Happy Fun” bracelets. Brightly colored wooden beads with a silver bead in the middle. Simple. Elegant. Cheap. I’ll make ten or so of them. There are five colors and four shapes of beads, as soon as I run out of patterns to make, or silver centerpiece beads, I’ll stop. Each one will have to be photographed individually, gah. Oh well, it will make the shop look full. I have some hematite charms, I can make some “Happy Fun” necklaces, too. Cheap, colorful jewelry. That’s what people want.

I really hope that one of the three eligible people read the Felix in Barbados story today and enjoyed it. No one was tempted to spend the dollar to get the story. I’m going to post about it again.

Okay, that’s done. Plus I posted about my Tumblr blog, which I do write on occasionally. I have one follower on there. I’m like the loneliest person on Tumblr. I’ve only made a few posts over the past couple of years, but I’d be willing to ramp it up.

There is this massive murder wave happening right now here. It is tragic. Actually, just a general death wave, because motorcyclists/scooterists/pedestrians are getting mowed down in record numbers, as well. Just today there was a murder/suicide at a day care center. The people who do violence here, tend to do so in front of small children, I don’t know if it’s just because so much of the violence stems from domestic situations, or there is a certain sadistic nature to the killers. And though there have been a handful of gang and robbery related killings, most of it has been domestic violence situations that escalated before the police could be called or could get there. There are way too many guns in this city. Every white redneck with a taste for beer has a fucking automatic. “Hunting” “Liberty” You live in fucking Nevada. No where are you left more alone to do your own thing as long as you keep to yourself and don’t make a lot of noise and be stupid. And there is nothing to hunt but jack rabbits and tortoises. So shaddap and sell that thing before you shoot your wife in the face.

There is satisfaction and relief in having a finally-empty inbox. There is a feeling of loneliness and desperation in having a constantly emptying inbox. For four days, nothing but spam. 467 spam messages. Not one personal or professional message.

Wow, I’m really letting myself get down today. I think it’s time for that dance/cleaning party. I need a party, and I have a big piece of carrot cake and fresh pot of coffee waiting for me when I’m done. If that doesn’t cheer me up . . . well, of course that cheers me up, carrot cake!


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