Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

Dear Diary, Looking Beyond the Seeming Futility

Dear Diary,

Today has ended up being a good day. We have learned things. Like, I cannot be sober. I have re-started taking an anti-convulsant to aid with the effects of the cannibinoids, so I need less of them. When money is set, I will be able to try low THC, high CBC, Charlotte’s Web, type oil, and eliminate the high, which, admittedly, does distract me with the psychotropic effects, that is undeniable. Some of my positive symptoms would likely lessen completely if it weren’t for the high THC in the strains I can afford. I outed myself as a medical user on FB today. I mean, the FBI knows, hell, they know the first time I used. It’s a government program, of course they know. So anyway, I should become an advocate. The more I read, and the more I learn through my own experience, the more I believe that the high CBC strains were the ones meant for medical use. I think they were just bred out over time, through whatever reason.

And now, they have been rediscovered and I think a medical revolution is on the cusp of our future. I really do. And I want to be a part of helping other people with mental illness, and seizure disorders, and possibly even autism, if it helps quiet the mind like it does with me. There are so many possibilities. And that’s not even touching the pain and nausea relief that it treats. This is important, yo. Too far?

I’m listening to the Psychedelic Furs and writing about breakthroughs in science with and ancient plant. No wonder I get cluster headaches. Which it also helps with. That, and bandannas full of ice.

I haven’t made a new spoken video yet simply because I can’t decide what to read. It’s really that simple. I know where I’m going to sit, what I’m going to wear, how I’m going to do my hair, and that I’m going to print out whatever piece I’m going to do so that I don’t have to deal with the glare off my glasses this time. It may be “Diagnosis”, but, I have to find that. I put it in a revised file, somewhere other than my primary writing back-up drive. So, there’s that. Having five document folders doesn’t help. I always find some other treasure and get side tracked. It is hell being in my head and trying to draw a straight line and follow it. I think that is why my wedding ring has crooked arrows on it. A bend for every shiny thing that distracted me on the way to the courthouse. Or, the arrows represent how straight I am.

Doc is watching some movie with horrible sex all through it. Wonderful. I kind of want to take my headphones off and go to sleep. Maybe I will keep them on and just lay down. I can sleep on my back. Take them off in a couple of hours when I want to roll over. Or let Doc take them off when the movie ends. That would work. I think I will do that.

Sorry about the gap and the shortness. I’m giving you a break. Have a good night.

The Link: I hope I have linked this before, if not, here is the link to my video of “Haven”. If I have, disregard this link.


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