Doc will be home in the wee hours of Friday night!!!!!! I do not envy him the next few days, and not just because of the funeral/wake. I’ll tell you why . . .
Even though she has disliked me and poked at me since she found out my mental health diagnosis, I find myself feeling great compassion and empathy for my mother in law right now. She has just lost her soul mate and pillar. And, living my nightmare, she is about to lose her sense of independence. Note, she hasn’t been independent for many years. Arthritis crippled her at an early age, but her mind is bright, not a hint of dementia. She has been completely dependent on Doc’s dad for decades, and doesn’t realize it. She thinks she is staying in the house. She keeps trying to get Doc to empty out the attic so she has access to all of it. The kids, Doc and his sister, are loathe to approach the subject, so they are waiting until Monday, when Mom’s brother comes down and has “the conversation” with her. That will be a bad day. Luckily the whole family will be there by then, including Doc’s older brother. There will be a lot of support and Xanax to go around.
I found out last night that Doc has been to the mountains in Soporo, Japan. I knew he had been to the major cities, and was born on Okinawa, but had no idea he had been to the Soporo mountains right before he met me. I have kind of this obsession with the area. It’s beautiful and mythical, but at the same time, has some real evil shit built underneath it. He didn’t go for the mountains, he went for the real evil shit built underneath it.
We talked for a long time last night, he was telling me his dad’s war stories from Korea. His dad was a hero, not just your average infantry man. He did great service for our country. And the stories! All independently verified and true, and so amazing. I can’t even tell you about them, more’s the pity, I could write a book on his life. Some day, maybe Doc will let me. I now know the origins of the “extended family” in Japan and Korea. Doc has such a rich upbringing, in a completely different way than I did.
I was brought up on art and culture, especially UK culture. IT was all PBS and ballets and symphonies and plays and musicals for enjoyment, and piano and violin lessons. Doc grew up in a post-military household. He is brimming with history and politics and some really interesting knowledge of weaponry and how to accurately fire it. And math. I got the liberal arts upbringing, and he got the practical upbringing, but both were immersive. And they serve us well together. We figure things out for each other using our own skill sets. We tried for a long time to get one another to think our ways, but that didn’t work, and this cooperation really is.
He’s talking about “starting over” when he gets home. I’m all for that. Some changes need to be made, and were well on their way to happening before this came around. I’m all about motivation and getting our shit together and being adults for a while until we can relax and go back to being kids. I’m glad he has had this change of life and is ready to really start his life. Being with his sister is really good for him, right now. All bad feelings are gone, and it is just brother and sister getting older. She told him, “You have a few really good years left, you have to do something with them.” I agree. We can be on top of things. We’re smart and capable and have the necessary skill sets.