I hugged him for a really long time. We don’t really ever hug. We have a lot the past few days. He had a white pizza delivered while he was out. When he got home, he packed. He was too much of a control freak to let me pack for him. After the hug, he picked up his suitcase and walked out the door, insisting I be good and not burn the house down. Then he stopped to remind me where the fire extinguisher was and to tell me to move it into the house. Then we said I love you, which we never say. It’s always just understood. I only ask when I doubt.
And he didn’t know I watched him walk down the street. Shaking.
Then I came in and closed and locked all the security gates and doors.
He’s really gone. He’s not coming back in a couple of hours, is he? When I wake up tomorrow, I will be alone, and all day, and all night, and oh my god, I am not ready for this.