Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

Dear Diary, Kind of Freaking Out Here

Dear Dairy,


Just realizing that after Wednesday, I will be completely alone. And somehow, I have to get to my shrink appointment, completely alone, on Friday. I can’t blow it off. Doc needs the forms signed or he will lose his job. Then there’s the groceries. He could only afford to get me a few days’ worth. And he may be gone longer than that. He got cat food, and enough water to water the plants for a week. Some how I think he is going to be gone longer than a week. He has more than that in sick time and bereavement time and vacation. Plus there’s always the FMLA, though he doesn’t get paid for that time. I don’t get paid until the 21st of March. He will leave me with enough to pay my doctor and about $50, and will be broke for two days in doing so.


I’m freaking the fuck out, Dear Diary. I do not know what I am going to do. I suppose as a very, very, very, very, very last resort, I will call my dad and beg for help and a ride to the grocery store. Then he will know where I live and my phone number. Joy. Just fucking joy. There is literally no one else, after 16 years of living here. I thought about appealing to Carter’s past affection for me, with plenty of begging and bribing his girlfriend with jewelry. But I don’t have the guts. I can bow down and beg my father, I’ve done it before. But I can’t beg Carter. I wish I could, there is the slightest possibility that he would help me out. Maybe if I just tweeted him my FB link, and left it at that. I think I will do that, vague, non-committal, non-actually-asking, and easy for him to just ignore. No, on the other hand, I will re-think this plan.


Doc is fascinating when he’s drunk. He actually talks. He told me a lot of memories today while I plied him with alcohol to relax him.


Apparently his father made arrangements for his mother’s future before this happened. And it doesn’t involve Doc. Thank the Universe. That whole possibility was so scary. Of course, it would be fun to be with Kelli again and live with her. But losing my husband to do it is too high a price to pay.


He arrives in Philly Wednesday, I guess he’s decided to take the red-eye. It’s the cheapest. And I now have all the info I need for the Delta agent I talked to and will be able to get the discount when I call tomorrow. We can’t book the flight until he’s ready to leave because we have to wait for the money to be transferred from paypal to my bank. That should be Tuesday. They say 3-5 business days, but usually do it much much more quickly. I love paypal. I love my friends and the stranger that donated money to Doc’s ticket. I can’t believe it, really.


And Lilliane is working really too hard to keep my shit together while he is gone from where she is. That will help a whole lot. She even volunteered to call and remind me to take my meds and make sure I’m keeping to some sort of schedule. You have no idea what a help this will be. Kelli can call me a couple times a day, but not on any kind of schedule because she works the day shift. Lilliane works a different shift, that I usually sleep through and am okay through. I think I’m going to be okay.


I have to go check out Von’s grocery delivery options now. That will just be the icing on the cake. If I can get groceries, I will be set. I’m not worried too much about money for the short term. Doc set me up with groceries today and put off his suit buying until he is in Philly. Cat food, and Cyd food. I have plenty of coffee in the pantry, yes, I am drinking it right now, but I don’t know how long that will last. The week without it was kind of cool. All I need is sugar and milk and eggs and soft cat food delivered. Then Boomer will be set up for more than 8 days. Boo can only eat soft food.


I’m going to go watch Scorpion now, or play on Pinterest and listen to music. I didn’t get to art today, maybe I will do that, Doc left the big light on when he lay down. So I have enough light to work on the platter I’m making. I also have to see if Diamond Glaze is food safe. I would really like to make some of these paper dishes water proof and food safe. They are thick enough to hold food and absorb heat, I just need to figure out how to seal them.


I also found this tutorial for mokume gane silverware from the thrift store. So, eventually, I would like to sell a set of dishes/chargers/place setting things. With the champagne glass idea I found, I can do it with wine glasses, and make charms for the glasses as part of the set. I still have some supplies for just such a thing and some really cute charms are on sale at my wholesaler for a couple of months.


I also found out how to make a small picture frame easel out of a fork, which would work and look even nicer with a wrap on it like mokume gane, or I can get canes on etsy and take slices from them to cover the forks.


See? I didn’t art today, so I’m all bursting with creative energy. I have to go spend some of that now.

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