It is still weird to me, after 16 years here, healing from the Eastern winters, to watch non-stop coverage of blizzards on the CNN and still be able to walk outside and smoke a cigarette. If I’m willing to deal with the wind, which drops the temp to 50.
Kelli sent me a picture of the bus stop this morning. Evil, evil snow. And Doc bitches about having to wait at the bus stop here. No more of that. He shut his mouth today after he saw that picture. He has to wear gloves sometimes, she has to put warmers in her boots with her three pair of socks. I wish she would move back out here. Once Peyton goes to college, maybe she will. Only ten more years.
The shore house in Ocean City is flooded, I’m sure. The water was coming in from the bay, and the back yard sits on the bay. Literally. Well, in the bay. They’re selling it, I won’t get back there. The next time Doc and I go to a beach, we will be staying at a hotel.
I’ve given up my dream of going back to Disneyland. I’m still obsessed with Tigger and Pooh and the gang, and Disney in general. I’ve just been reading a lot about it. Tourist experiences, good and bad. Family and just married people. And one thing comes clear, it is not the same place I remember. Going there will not fulfill my desire to return to a happy time in my childhood. It will just overwhelm me and scare and confuse me. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to mar my memories with that.
The last time I went, when I was younger, my mom took an autograph book, and I took my Instamatic camera and took pictures inside of all of my favorite rides. I still have those pictures, and those, and souvenirs and maps and pictures will have to do me. And I think I’m zen with that. I’m giving up a 25 year old dream, but I’m doing it because the reality no longer matches the dream. So, it’s okay. “And I’m feeling very different,today.”