Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

There is this Problem in my Dream.

It is a problem I have had for three days now. I go to sleep and dream of this problem. I can’t articulate it when awake. I told Doc it was a mathematical-linguistic problem. But there is measurement and balance involved. It’s so clear as soon as I lose consciousness. And when I bring myself around, I try to grasp it, to maybe apply some real world logic to it. But reality cannot hold this and it skitters away. I have a feeling I’ve solved it, just not been able to execute the solution correctly. Doc is little help, he forgets most of what I say in my sleep, even though he talks to me when it happens and tries to comfort me.

Today’s high was last night at midnight. 61 degrees. It’s still 50-something out there, with a cool breeze. It’s hot in here, and I’m running a fever again, so I keep running outside to play with the animals or have a smoke. At least I’m wearing pants today. I can’t decide what medication to take. Sudafed, of which I have plenty, but it is not as effective; or, Day-Quil, which is my last dose, but will make me feel much better. Hrm. I hate winter. I can’t believe I may have to move back east again and deal with that half a year of death and cold. I fucking hate that idea.

I told Kelli I couldn’t go back to Philadelphia. I would get off in Pittsburgh and she and I would rent a warehouse space and be wild artists. And I would hide all winter and not make personal appearances. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a fate more horrible than death and it’s coming up in the new year, and I just don’t want to think about it. I will just say, I’m not a caregiver.


  • dry hot and dusty as hell

    My last surviving grand parent died a couple of weeks ago. Two days to the hour o my Nana's death, my favorite cat, Boo, died in my arms. The grief…

  • Hey there, hi there, ho there

    I'm back, bitches and bastards, TC paid for a forever pass, I should use it. The cops came over and did a welfare check about a month ago. My…

  • Got Caught Stealing

    Having had yet another clever thing stolen by a bunch of what I have to assume are white middle aged hate macines; The line in my twitter profile…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.