Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

So, a New Year.

I think, for the New Year, for a change of pace, I will learn something new. This year’s goal was to actively promote my art and get stable on my meds. It took all year, but I did it. If I can pull off this month, I will be golden, and right set up for next year to continue on with my efforts. So, something new.


When we went to our storage locker last year, which we used to share with an ex-girlfriend of mine, I found that she had left me something: a black electric guitar. I didn’t know it at the time, but she also left me a soft case for it. Pretty nice. It only took me 13 years to find out about it. Thanks, Andi.


The guitar needs strings. I can order those online. It needs to be strung. I can learn to do that online. It will need to be tuned. Doc and online can help me with that. At which time we will find out if I’m really tone deaf, or if I just can’t sing softly or hum. Which, in itself, is vexing. I scare the cats when I sing at full volume. Even though it is on key. I used to have a recording of me singing a couple of Concrete Blonde songs really well with a acoustic guitar accompaniment. I got jobs singing with bands. I just can’t sing unless no one else is around. So, really, I should be able to tune a guitar. And I have an adapter for my headphones, so I can plug them into it, and not have to deal with the expense of an amp right now.


The song fail the other night really got to me. If I can think of one song, I can think of others. And maybe having an easy instrument to play would help with that. Once I learn the basics. I can at least use it to keep a rhythm when I write. But I do have other songs in my catalog. Three come to mind. All of them channeled Courtney Love to a strong degree. Flatteringly, I got accused of plagiarizing her until no songs by her that matched mine could be found. And considering how far back they looked, would I have been plagiarizing her, or Kurt? If you subscribe to the theory that Kurt was writing her lyrics. Which I don’t. His lyrics were more thoughtful than hers. She went for the obvious imagery, he went for the more obscure objects in the room.


Boomer has reached a new level of sneaky. Trying to sneak onto my lap when the keyboard is on it. Yes, she went there. She didn’t get far, but she tried.


I’ve been thinking a lot about the Swedish Christmas legend. About the Tomte,or Tomten. At Christmas, Jultomten. If I had a Tomte, it would be my Papa Paul. He’s gone some 9 years now. He would be the one watching over me and mine. But he would be busy, big family. Then there are all the ancestors I could have picked up along the way. All manner of tomte could be looking out for me. I could have an army of Jultomten. They are the cutest little things, too. Their tall, cone hat covers all but their nose. Their grey beard covers all but their legs. Some have short, squat legs, some have long, skinny legs. Some wear robes, some wear sweaters and knit leggings. But always the tall cone hat, and usually in red. And usually taller than the tomte themselves. It’s just a really cool thing I didn’t remember from my childhood. Now my mom clings to the German Father Christmas, she’s left the Swedes behind.


My German heritage scares me. Both on my Nana’s side and on my Dad’s side. Mainly because of the lies that were told to cover it up. Why cover it up? What went on in WWII that everyone decided that my dad’s family was British by the time I was born? I have no Jewish heritage at all that I know of. This scares me more. Were my ancestors part of the mindless sheep that just let Hitler do what he wanted? Did they flee Germany’s fascism? What’s the deal? When did they come to America? Why would you rather I believed I was descended from an insane English king than my true German relatives? I mean, this makes me 3/4 German. That’s a lot. That explains some things, genetically. I don’t know. Until I can get myself DNA tested and pay ancestry.com what they want, it is a mystery. My parents did decades of genealogy with the Mormon church, they were supposed to have all of this sorted. But they have left really basic questions on the ancestry.com message boards that shows they know absolutely nothing. I know more, right now, than they do, according to their messages.


Got through Day 3 Without Cable News. Actually, it was a day without news at all. Didn’t even skim the headlines. Didn’t read Facebook at all, in fact. I’ve been stylizing selfies. Because I am not interesting enough sitting there making a face. I don’t know what I am doing. I need to go into the kitchen. I am barefoot. It’s time.

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