He really seemed to appreciate my efforts with tidying up the dining room table, which is a relief. He can be touchy about his things being moved around. I tried to keep everything out and obvious, there is still no way we can use the table by any means. I just piled like things together and cleared out the garbage. And those damn pill bottles. If I didn't know better, I would swear he grew up during the Great Depression of the 30's.
So the "crash dump" thing that keeps happening is traced back to a driver issue with my Passport external hard drive. I updated the driver, but it was the same version when all was said and done, and I still have a warning icon above the Passport icon in the Devices screen. That's just tough shit, my dear laptop. You've never liked Blue Max, but you have to deal with him. He holds all the info that you won't. At first I thought it was a conflict with the new Trackball, which would have been tragic. But that ran through all clear. Bottom line, I have been fucking with this for more than two hours and I have nothing left in me to create with.
It's the produce drought. Doc finally gave up on the idea of sharing some of our last crop with N, after being blown off this weekend, so he generously shared that with me last night, and let me finish it today when I got up, because I was all fuckered up. My med schedule was off and my sleep was all off and I had done nothing on my to do list and I was mad at myself and my hair is curly because I washed it and have no patience to flat iron it right now. You guessed it, the guy never showed up. Or called. He has it, he's just a flake. And, like I've mentioned, he lives with his parents, and his dad is Mean Old Man and dislikes Doc and I, so there's no going up to the door. It's a lesson in moderation. Or psychological starvation.
I'm having really bad stomach aches without the medicinal produce, and taking way too much Xanax, considering I have to see my Doctor to get more and Doc has to get a new Doctor to get more and we are both almost out. Yes, CVS offered to send his script to Walgreens, but our prescription plan is with CVS/Caremark, so they don't give a discount when you use other pharmacies, and it turns out that Xanax is a relatively expensive drug, retail. So we're in sort of a dead zone. To tell the truth, I really had no clear idea until this month of famine how much the green helped with my anxiety and paranoia, and, surprisingly enough, the voices.
And energy or no, it's really the voices that are killing my creativity. Constantly having to argue with them makes it really really really difficult to concentrate on anything else. In fact, I can't tell you what I did while awake today, except for the two hours I was high. I took a shower and deep scrubbed and deep conditioned and pummiced and then lotioned and sprayed and scrunched. Then I gathered the wastebaskets and emptied them, and took the rest of the recycling out. Then I went out and played with the dog and a few of the cats for a while in the sun, and then took Chewbacca for a walk. The rest of the time was spent taking care of Doc.
The rest of the day, with no buzz? Couldn't fucking even begin to tell you what I did, watched, or said. They make me fucking crazy. They just distract me so much. Constant arguing is almost worse than when they are ordering me about. It's like being in a room full of children who use really big words. And are on meth.
I did get some really good sleep, though. I completely wore myself out yesterday/early this morning. I slept as if in a crypt. I don't remember any dreams, or phone calls, or cat fights or anything. Just darkness and peace. I loved it so much, I decided to have more a mere three hours after I got up.
Maybe that's what I'll do tonight. Just take my meds and go to sleep before 11. That sounds really good. I was further along with my graphics than I thought, so I can take a quick hour tomorrow when I first get up to schedule releases of spoken pieces and get them uploaded. There's no point in doing it tonight, no one would see the promos. Then devote the rest of the day either to scanning, if Doc is awake and on the laptop, or more post work if he's asleep.
And hope like everything that the guy comes over. IT'S FOUR HOUSES DOWN. I'M HERE ALL NIGHT. DON'T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS.