Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

The "Art of Asking" v3.0 (Thank you Amanda Palmer)

I had an artistic dilemma last night, and took it to a posse of old/current friends on Facebook. And I got some great advice, though conflicting. I also got an offer from a long-time online friend, who is also an ambient musician, to use his music with my poetry. There was even talk of him possibly writing specifically for a piece or two, as his muse led him. I made the decision, because of this offer, to start recording new material. He even offered mixing and production assistance. Prayers I never uttered have been answered!

In the meantime, I have found a song that I fell in love with. I can only have use of it for free on an exclusive "private youtube use" license. Which means I could make a video using it with the poem that goes with it on youtube. I can't post it on Soundcloud, or even my website. But I can link to it through Clammr. And I can link to it from anywhere else that I want. I just have to keep the recording on youtube. So, I'm thinking I make a video for the song/poem and post on youtube as an unlisted video and give out the link at my discretion. Kind of like a prize for subscribing to my youtube channel or my Facebook fan page.

M is against it. He says don't put the effort into it unless there is something in it for you. By having something exclusive that the audience has to earn by showing loyalty, either by listening to Clammr or whatever, could be a boon. That's something that the big boys do. The allure of it calls to me. I'll talk to the gang more today and make a decision. I have to keep in mind that M's goals for his work are vastly different than mine. He is working to make a living melding his writing talent with his entrepreneurial talent. I'm looking for a small but devoted following. Adding music to my work, especially the thought of music written specifically for the pieces has me dreaming of being the next Leonard Cohen (like I could ever be that good or that legendary, but still).

Funny thing? Doc doesn't know any of this is going on. I tried to tell him last night, but he snapped at me, so I just ignored him last night and kept on with my Facebook comment frenzy. Then I went to bed to sleep on all that I had learned. He doesn't have to know. What's it to him? Nothing, really. He's less than interested in my work. There is no negative integer low enough to measure the amount of fucks he gives about my work.

Meanwhile, the laptop is busy throwing up on me. After about 45 minutes of touch up work on a photo I was going to use yesterday, the laptop sent it all to a memory dump. Photoshop has an auto backup feature that I have turned on, I'm just afraid to open the program back up. I had no problem with Audition last night, even working in the multi-track mixer, but the laptop, she is not happy with me. I like to listen to music while I'm working, and Windows Media Player takes a lot of resources. I may have to stop that habit.

Looking at my website stats last night, and while traffic is still in the 6,000/month range, the visits are going to the spoken word now, more than the thumbsucking portion of my site. My youtube traffic is way up, as well, though I haven't actively promoted it for about 6 months now. Soundcloud traffic, about 2 listens a day. One for the piece I'm promoting and one for some other piece I have posted.

I don't like paying attention to stats, but when they are trickling in, is when I really need to. I'd say that 95% of referral URLs to my website are still internal, meaning they come from inside the site, not from outside sources. So the fact that I have traffic at all is something that confuses me.

That douchebag that I think hacked me is still digging around my site, creating file structures that don't exist, fishing around my site for administrator pages. I thought we settled this a few months ago when I confronted him and he made some lame excuse about his company's bots. I let it go after he promised to stop his bots. But it's human tinkering I'm seeing. I have no admin pages, so he's not going to find anything. My site right now is bare bones. No scripts, no codes, none of that. So there's not a lot to find on my domain except poetry and art. And what his media company does with that, is anyone's guess.

The #StopRush-ers hit me up on twitter the other night. Saying they missed me, and what happened to me. I told them that after I outed myself as mentally ill and the hack that was clearly meant to do no more than fuck with my mind, I felt my presence would be a detriment to the cause. They understood. They are doing fine on their own. I was nice of them to reach out.

I think Doc got it last night that he makes me nervous when he's in the kitchen with me. I made potato pie last night, and he kept asking if he could help, and I kept saying no, and I actually had a great time making it. And it was delicious.

He's got this thing where he will ask me several questions in rapid succession that all potentially have different answers. I've learned to just stand there and stare at him until he simplifies his query. And when he just baffles me, I tell him, "You're confusing me."

And his newest thing is letting out his feelings. Which means if I use the wrong tone of voice or facial expression, he gets to yell and scream at me, and then act like nothing happened. This is Terrifying. I have little control over my tone of voice. It's something I've always been working on, but I have resting bitch voice. And my face does its own thing. Sun gets in my eyes, I make a face. He is being unreasonable, I look confused. Okay, I have resting bitch face, too. So he's empowering himself off the back of things that I cannot help. And the outburst come out of nowhere. It's like living with an angry and impulsive teen.

My work is an escape from him. Except weekends, when he has the computer most of the time. I don't understand his new tactic. If it makes him feel better, or if he thinks it's going to somehow improve my behavior. I'm pretty sure my shrink would be four-square against it as a therapy.

Time to have a smoke, and start looking through my cam archives for pictures that will do the new piece and its music justice and will capture the attention of the viewer.

Work Work Work. While he sleeps.

Today's songs are once again "Renegades", by X Ambassadors; and "Chandelier", by Sia.

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