Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

Easily Excitable

Having a BIG freak-out over here. In my clean house. The last thing I found in my cleaning was a stack of mail. On top was a letter from the Nevada department of Welfare. My appointment with them for eligibility is . . . TOMORROW at 9am. Um, that's when Doc is asleep. And we have no idea where the office is. No idea what buses to take or what time we need to leave. And I can't read maps or bus schedules.

I've been trying to get a hold of Doc. He is at work. I used some website to text him because my phone doesn't text. I can receive and answer them, but not initiate. Free phone. Then I called and left a message for him to call me on his first break. I think that is at 11 or 11:30.

I wish I had found it before I started cleaning. I could have worked off this nervous energy. If I don't show, I am automatically disqualified. I can call and change the appointment before the appointment, but it is at 9, when the office opens. I am so fucked. And I have to regather the papers I spent all one night gathering and putting back. I'm pretty sure this means I qualify for help, so they are making it hard for me to get there and claim the help.

I read another unhelpful (to me) study about schizophrenia and brain changes today. Something about cortical tissue thinning in key areas when treatment-resistant schizophrenia is present. I'm not yet treatment resistant. Or, I'm living with the symptoms that just won't go away. The medical therapy for TRS is a drug called clozapine. In some patients, it poisons their blood. Not many, but enough that the UK pulled it from the market for a while.

Haldol doesn't stop the hallucinations, but it makes me too zonked to react to them, or any stimuli. It's like thorazine. Good for nothing more than sedating one into submission. I did my time there, and I would like to think I have more control now and don't need such measures. My hallucinations don't scare me much anymore. They unnerve me. But I've come to just accept them and expect them.

Okay, freak-out over. Doc called, and made me read him the whole letter and figured out that I may be able to call at 8 and in addition to dealing with the appointment at 9, conduct the interview over the phone, instead of going down there at all. They have all the paperwork that I would bring in. I scanned the stuff in myself and uploaded it to them. Plus, they have all of that on their computers.

The only tight point is that we need to leave before 8 if we end up having to be there by 9. It's a two bus and mile walk. And the buses local to this area come every half and hour or 45 minutes.

All I have to do is get through this interview. It could lead to easier finances for us. It could lead to teeth for me. Maybe even a therapist.

I need to calm down. Something tells me that Letterman ain't going to do it. Click play list on. Good night.Easily Excitable

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