Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

Now then, this is Sunday Evening

I don't know what to think about Doc. I didn't talk today, much. Answered questions with 1 or2 word answers. Just didn't feel like engaging, since every time we do, it ends badly.

I have always been very lucky in a couple of respects, I am a healthy person, or too strong to give in to bad health. Aside from the odd allergies, or respiratory infection, I mean. My back has always been strong, and my knees. Even with various injuries to both over the years, nothing lingering. At UPS I was taken to the Doctor directly from work by a manager after badly packed boxes fell on me, and some joker put a 70lb package above my head to get down. But those injuries went away.

The other night, I wrenched my back while asleep. And wow, I had no idea how lucky I have been. Doc has knee problems, and I see what he goes through with them. I would hate to have that problem. The way I sit on my legs and curl up my legs, if my knees gave me issues, I couldn't do that and it would create problem.

I've reached a new low in invisibility on Twitter. I posted to a trending tag and got nothing from it, and it had a questionable title. Maybe too questionable. Who gives a shit.

I cleaned out the mudroom today. Completely emptied it, swept and scrubbed the tile floor. And then put a few items, like the litter boxes back in. It took me a couple of hours, and Doc did move a couple of boxes for me. I found a bunch of cool stuff. A small photo album with pictures I've been searching for. And a folder full of hand written and revised and edited poetry.

The albino lizard in the eve of the patio is out of hibernation, spring is officially here! Oh, and this coming week will end close to 90 degrees. But my lizard made it through the winter. I scared him last night when I saw him because I was trying to get Doc out to come see him.

I'm shutting down. I don't know why. I have a lot of apathy. A whole lot of nothing. I imagine that if you were to look into my eyes right now, they would be empty. Ice blue and completely deserted. Something is coming. And I don't think it will be good for me. It may be good for those around me, ultimately. But not for me. And if I could feel anything, it would be fear. But I don't feel that. Maybe some ground-level background dread, but not active fear. Just the paranoia. And the deathly cool hand of apathy.
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