Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

I'm Hopeless

No, not like that. I have hope. No, I mean, from an outside point of view, of dealing with me,I am positively hopeless. I've been reading OLD diaries, and I have been hopeless for a very long time. I'm thinking of scanning them in and posting them on Any thoughts? I'm going to scan them no matter what. Already the ink is fading into the paper and melding with the ink on the other side of the paper. It makes parts of it hard to read, and it will make parts of the scans impossible to read, but only a few pages of the first diary I am dealing with. The main reason I don't want to post this one? My wildly delusional boy craziness, my habit of starting each entry with "Chello" and drive to mark empty space with "Ozzy Rules". Yes, we have found my weakness. I am embarrassed by my former self.

But it's important. All of these entries about boys I never knew and shootings and stabbings and arrests . . . all in my head. I would even relive these things in school, completely flipping out in class, disrupting everything. I would also take stuffed animals to school. I'm talking high school here.

Then things settle down after I move. I stay anchored in reality but start getting obsessed with people. Mostly guys. I haven't moved on to the next one yet. I'm stuck in my sophomore year of high school. One psychiatric committal under my belt.

Here, have some pictures that I've posted on twitter . . .

This is me, to the right, at Mardi Gras 96

Somewhere in Alabama on the way to New Orleans, I was so butch

college the first time



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