Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

The Origins Were All Wrong

I've been thinking a lot lately about my initial diagnosis in 1984 when I was 15. Bi-polar. Prescription: Lithium. It never did work. I still have the summation/report from the examining psychiatrists. My delusions/voices/hallucinations were summarized as an "over-active fantasy life". 1984, the sumer of the Olympics in Los Angeles, was also the summer of Bi-Polar and the new miracle drug, Lithium. This was pre-Prozac. It was also pre any of the anti-psychotic drugs that have actually helped me. But a few of the ones I've been on were around then, and would have calmed me down, basically given me a medical lobotomy to get through high school. How would my life be different?

What if they had connected the self-mutilation to the depression? What if they had ever recognized that I never had manic phases, just rage phases? What if everything hadn't depended upon the Lithium, which made me feel bad. Just like pre-flu, all the time. And when I wouldn't take it, they took me out of therapy and I didn't see another psychiatric professional until I was committed after a suicide attempt in high school. I stayed saddled with the "bi-polar" diagnosis until just a couple of years ago.

They started treating me with anti-psychotics about a decade ago experimentally. Then, while in a hospital, a Doctor who cared, and bothered to get me to communicate with him, rediagnosed me as having schizoaffective disorder and changed my medication appropriately. Finally.

I still have symptom break-throughs, where the meds don't cover everything. But for the most part I am what passes for stable for me. I can keep the house clean. That's a big deal. I couldn't keep my shit together to clean when I was younger. I credit the meds.
Subscribe

  • dry hot and dusty as hell

    My last surviving grand parent died a couple of weeks ago. Two days to the hour o my Nana's death, my favorite cat, Boo, died in my arms. The grief…

  • Hey there, hi there, ho there

    I'm back, bitches and bastards, TC paid for a forever pass, I should use it. The cops came over and did a welfare check about a month ago. My…

  • Got Caught Stealing

    Having had yet another clever thing stolen by a bunch of what I have to assume are white middle aged hate macines; The line in my twitter profile…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 2 comments