Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

I'm not trolling him, I'm really hurt.

I should be doped up on Seroquel and fast asleep. And yet I am wide awake, undoped, and feeling really good. I took a nap after I watched the Doctor Who premier at 5:30 and slept until midnight, when I only meant to sleep until 8 or so. So my sleep schedule is a bit knackered.

I am neither angry or sad at this moment. I feel a bit guilty, but that can't be helped. So I'm not letting it bother me.

See, B had a seizure (for some unknown reason) last night, right as Doc got there to visit and take some things to J that he got at the shops on sale. J was freaking out, R, who is only 5, was freaking out, and Doc had to talk them down and help J find a sitter for R while she worked, without becoming that sitter. This house is not what you would call kid-friendly. Eventually she got things situated, and Doc came home. Today, B is still in the hospital, and J is again without a sitter, and her boss (she works at Walmart, poor dear) won't give her any leeway in time off to deal with this emergency, of course. So tonight she fell off the wagon (she's been doing the AA thing for a while now). And it got messy. Doc and I woke up to messages and texts and voicemails from her while we slept. And we can't help her. He has to work tomorrow night. That would leave me alone with R. That is unacceptable, not just to me, but in the eyes of Child Services. I'm crazy, I cannot be held responsible for the safety of a child. I can't even be held responsible for my own safety. So I feel guilty about being crazy, but I know there's nothing I can do about it. I can't just switch it off. I can clean her house, do her laundry, cook for them, but I cannot take care of her child. That's an end of it.

The Doctor Who premier . . . great! Peter Capaldi did not disappoint. Just enough of Matt Smith thrown into his performance to make it convincing that's where he originated from. Great transitioning. I like the wing backed chair on the Tardis. And I'm glad that awful Jenna Coleman is leaving after Christmas. I do not like her as a companion. Doc put his finger on it, she's never seemed committed to the adventure.

Now Doc's up. Finally, this weekend, we are up at the same time and in good moods. This will be a nice night/morning.

I idly wonder if Rollins will read my blog post. I know he won't contact me about it, that's not his way. But I wonder if he will read it. I wonder if he will understand. I'm not trolling him, I'm really hurt.

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