Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

on stuff and things

oops. i took my seroquel and then decided not to go to bed. we'll see if i pass out sitting up with the laptop on my lap.

i can't take any more coverage of Robin Williams. It hurts on such a deeply personal level. And to hear people talking about depression like it's this new phenomenon. maybe this will start the nationwide discussion we need so badly. Maybe that will be Robin's final gift to us. I know it's selfish of me to want one more thing from someone who gave all he had, until death.

but i don't have a lot of hope. tonight on the news they were talking about the police dealing with more mentally ill people and then transitioned to Robin and depression like there was no connection to the two things, mental illness and depression.

i should be happy, i got my med cocktail! but Robin is gone. I downloaded "Toys" to watch, then I saw a still from it and started weeping and I can't bring myself to watch it right now. I'm letting my play list soothe me.

HST's suicide wasn't as sad to me. He had lived longer than he wanted to. His body was failing him. He was done. It was a pragmatic decision a long time coming. Robin's death, not so much. The depression may have been a long time companion, but suicide is an instantaneous kind of thing. It's a choice made in desperation in a moment that can never be taken back if done right.

I'm taking this really personally, I know, but he meant that much to me. He was one of those constants in the world that made it a safer, better, brighter place. And things are really dim without him. Four more films to be released of him. Then it's done. The darkness falls. I really want someone to shove.

Time for bed. The seroquel has taken over and I am seeing double. Have a good night.

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