Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

Confession Time

Doc will throttle me if he sees this, but . . .

we have been watching morning network TV. To Doc's credit, he is always on the computer and i am in control of the remote. and it's the only thing on that early that isn't news or nonsense. But, we have been watching The Price is Right. Not the confessional part. We actually started talking about it with each other last night, comparing contestants and such. Oh, how low we've sunk.

Why do I think it's sunday? Doc is on the couch, not in bed, so it can't be sunday. i keep looking for the final score on the World Cup finals. forgetting the match is on the actual sunday. ack.

still doing good without xanax. had one last night because i was in a shitty mood and feeling paranoid. 5 more days and i can fill it. i wish the FDA wouldn't make blanket rules. 4mg of xanax is just not enough for some people.

Bagira finally gave in and came in the house. When there are cats out, i check the back door for them in the afternoons and evenings to see if they want to come in and on one of my door checks, Bagira was there meowing. He took a nap on the cool tile and is now grooming all of the outdoors off himself.

I have to stuff cigarettes. I was up for a couple of hours last night and smoked all the ones that i stuffed for today. yes, all of them. yes, in a couple of hours. i know. not good.

Oh, they are calling for rain all next week! how cool!. hot and humid, but rain!

cigarettes stuffed. now doc will have fresh coffee and smokes when he gets up. i don't know what else to do for him, that's all i want out of life.

oh! i have to go check the cat food. neat! not an ant near it. i'll have to give it more time, obviously, but i'm hopeful. I saw Evie out there, laying in her shady damp spot. She and Bagira each have their own. Billy is not around. Chewy is awake, though. I woke him up and fed him treats to keep him awake, now he's running around. Just chasing cats. Occasionally coming over to lick my leg, or my face, if i make it available.

the "cat thing" is going over well with Vader, Major, Teeny, and Bagira. Only Simon and Evie have found the upper levels so far. the others are happy with the bottom covered in carpet and the two poles covered in carpet. they haven't figured out the front pole is sisal, they will love that.

Chewy doesn't like other dogs. He is very sketchy at the dog park. i don't even take him there, preferring to let him lead me around his favorite spots in the neighborhood. i let him walk me a mile and a half one day during the winter. he was nuts. now he leads me on a smaller route around two blocks. he wants to go for a walk now, but it's still too hot. he overheats really easily.

yesterday he took off again. and after he was gone for two hours, we kind of started to freak. he's usually home in 45 minutes. so i went out and walked the long route he took me on in the winter and then walked around the neighborhood. as i came back to where i started an hour later, he was laying on the sidewalk in the shade. i thought he was hurt, and freaked more, but i was too tired from my walk to run to him. so i made kissy noises and his head perked up, but he didn't move, and i thought, oh god, he's paralyzed. so i walked as fast as i could and when i got to about 8 feet of him, i said "Chewbacca" and he got up, ran to me, climbed up me (i kind of helped him by grabbing him when he jumped up and he just went up from there), and started licking me all over my face.

he was too squirmy to put his harness on and we were within three houses of our own, so i picked him up to carry him, and he was too squirmy to carry, so i put him down and he started running huge circles around me, up on the rocks, out into the street, up onto the lawn out into the street, all the way home. when i got home i let him in first and told doc not to punish him, something had happened, and i didn't know what and i didn't want to traumatize him any more than he had been. i don't know if he got lost, or tired, or saw me leaving that way and lay down to wait for me, or what.

*sigh* Doc is still asleep. I woke up a little during my nap at some point and saw him up, so i don't know when he went to sleep. so i don't know if i should wake him up.

i've been up for three hours. i'm hungry. i should take matters into my own hands and make myself something and let him off the hook. but if i cook, i will cook bacon and that will wake him up. and i don't want to do that. or i could make salmon, but that smell will wake him up too, and he hasn't gotten me a lemon yet. it would be good but not great.

i should clean my shit off the dining room table. there's still a chocolate bunny up there. and if i cleared my stuff off, maybe doc would be prompted to clean his shit off the dining room table. then we could eat there again. that would be nice. i think i'll do that. have a nice night. i'll likely be bored and write more before he wakes up.

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