Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i learned about Congress, give me a break.

i've made a decision, or come to a conclusion, one or the other. it doesn't matter that i haven't written poetry for a few months, i know i haven't lost my creativity. i know it's my motivation that i've lost. it will come back. i've been reading (gasp) self-help articles on how to stop procrastinating and how to motivate myself. most of it is happy-happy bullshit, but i've learned some things. like, it doesn't matter how ambitious you are if your emotions get in the way. emotions are the hardest thing to overcome when it comes to procrastination and self-motivation. this rang so true with me. it's completely my emotions that are getting in the way of my working.

and a dose of fear of failure, or worse, what i've gotten for the last 15 years, largely ignored. there is a "what's the point" element to everything i have planned or started. for some reason i can't see past that.

what a downer. i didn't mean to be. really. i'm feeling pretty good. i didn't sleep. so i should sleep well tonight. i'm going to try to stay up longer. it may make me sleep longer, but it may eliminate the morning nap habit i've gotten. i've beaten the afternoon nap. time to slay the morning nap. just sleep at night, like a normal person. i will miss the early mornings, but i can always go to bed at 9pm and wake up in time for sunrise. at 9pm my responsibility ends. doc is at work and my night is my own.

i think i'm going to have to make some coffee. i think i drank what doc left me in the pot.

that's all i have to do. oh, wait, put the dishes away that i washed a few hours ago. tomorrow i have to vacuum. i don't know why, but Evie keeps pulling her fur out in clumps, and before i can get to some of them, Teeny plays with them. so they get all over.

Teeny has become my bathroom cat. she comes in while i bathe and shower. when i shower, she stays near the door because we have no shower curtain and she would get wet if she didn't dart out. then she comes back in, and as soon as i turn the water off, she jumps in the tub and plays in the puddles. she is so weird. when i take a bath, she lays down in front of the tub. she even lets me drip water and bubbles on her and will play with the bubbles.

coverage on immigration bores me because i don't know where i stand on it. and i don't want to think about it because it is a complicated issue that confuses me that i just don't want to get into. i learned about Congress, give me a break.

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