Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

another day passes

i am in such a rut. that dead feeling is back again and i can't blame it on hormones this time. time to increase my cymbalta. i'll ask him about it in august when i see him. i am staying awake more, and eating. i had cheese sticks and loaded nachos today. better than yesterday, when i completely forgot to eat. all the stuff i was doing, trying to fill time, and i didn't eat. stupid.

my cola is going flat. i have to ask doc not to get the two and a half liter. it goes flat before i can drink it all. two liters is fine for me.

so when you agree to the terms of service for facebook, you agree to "research". not knowing you are to be a part of that research. i can't think of a better platform to work out social media experiments, but the whole sheep thing has me bothered. you are at their mercy. i don't like that at all.

i have five living cilantro stalks. they aren't very healthy. i still have only one bean stalk and it's still a sproutling. the basil is doing well, but i'm not trimming it enough. tomorrow, after it perks up (i watered late and it got droopy on me) i'll harvest it properly so more grows. i'll have to google how to do that.

i want a heavy bag. i want something to beat on. we could hang one from the porch roof. that would be great. an outdoor workout, i would sweat my ass off while working out. and being in the shade. i'll have to look on craigslist.

google and craigslist. let's see if i actually have the patience to surf them and find what i'm looking for.

i'm still not interested in anything, though typing in here is a bit of a change, i've been writing in my paper journal.

the letters on the google doodle are all wearing pants. why are letters wearing pants? that's just silly. letter don't have genitals, there is no reason for pants. it's just wrong. Canceling Firefly wrong. yes, i feel that strongly about it.

do you know that when i saw John Doe here years ago, when i talked to him, i asked him to play "Sleep by the Light" the next time he was here, and he did. i missed it, of course, kelli was gone by then. but i read that he played it. i wasn't the only fan of that song, apparently. Just one of those little anecdotes. sometimes it pays to be the crazy blonde chick who stays after the concert and doesn't proposition the band. they remember you. i almost got him to come to a midnight poetry reading when the bar owner started to hassle him over the fee. i got out of there before it got ugly. i left a note with the directions, but i didn't expect him to show. he didn't. it was cool that he considered it.

i called kelli. she made me feel better for a half an hour. then i ran out of minutes.

Chewy was bad today and ran away from me, so he spent an hour in his "bed" (cage) and then wasn't allowed up on the furniture for an hour. it's the furniture thing that kills him. he pouts so hard. the problem is, it doesn't stop him running away, it stops him coming back. i had to coax him in the other day after we had punished him in such a way. we'll see how he is the next time he gets out. and he will get out again.

last day of the month. rent is paid. bills are paid. we start the month clean. we have food, gas, toiletries, animal food. we just don't have a lease. and the woman who took doc's rent today, didn't know anything about it. goofballs.

what do you do to completely change your life? or maybe not change your life but change yourself. i think i should take responsibility off of my meds so much and put it on me. that way i have the power. i just have no idea where to start.

i now know how to trim a basil plant. and i didn't find anything on craigslist this time.

they are lowering a golf course by 15 feet because of flood danger. why not get rid of the golf course, plow it down low and build affordable housing there? what a fucking waste.

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