i can't seem to get my head together today. i've been up almost an hour, there is no excuse for this. i took my meds to try to even out. the xanax should help if nothing else.
my motivation is coming back. last night, when doc slept, i didn't. i emptied the dishwasher again and refilled it and cleaned the kitchen and the living room. took a bath and combed my hair. watered the plants. played with the cats. smoked a lot of pot. well, not a lot. compared to what i get each day, a lot. compared to what i could have smoked? a pittance.
today i have nothing to do again that doesn't involve the computer. do i have the patience to stare at this screen for hours? i really don't know.
doc is going to help N move today, i think.
doc and i were talking about my aversion to eating. and the main issue is, the idea of putting something in my mouth and chewing it makes me sick to my stomach. he says that's a symptom of anorexia, which i don't think it is. and i don't have any kind of overwhelming body image problem. i'd like to be thinner, but i'm comfortable in my body as it is. i just get sick when i think of eating.
i want to see the new Seth McFarlane movie. which is odd because i wasn't interested in Ted at all. but dying in the wild west seems cool.
doc admitted last night that the ABBA concert would have been the perfect birthday gift for me, if only he could have put up with it. i told him he just needed to drop me off and pick me up. i would have happily gone in alone. i would have just gone in and danced my ass off. but that was on the 11th. there are tickets left for "The Book of Mormon", but they are upwards of $100. it's just as bad as going to the strip for a show.
Chewy has been coming out on the patio with me and not running away. he's been staying with me or wandering around the yard. just like it will be when the fence gets fixed. maybe this weekend it will happen.
all my wilted plants snapped back. i have to stop the wilting before it starts, though. maybe if i put the basil in the shade under the tree it will do better. the two plants out front are still alive and blooming. they look so pretty. they will look great when they spread out and grow.
all except the roses are doing well. and i don't know what to do for the roses. keep watering and hoping, i guess.
i downloaded a bunch of free textures and fonts and brushes for photoshop. i need to take some time to play with those.