Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i'm damn lucky.

doc is out trying to salvage my birthday. i got no mail. no presents. i'm shallow. that matters to me, i'll admit it, i don't give a fuck. he's out getting me an italian feast. and we have cake with candles. and champagne. brut.

i have Beyonce's XO on repeat. i love everything about the song. the beats, the mix, the vocals, the back up vocals, the over dubs. all of it. i simply love this song. i can't even watch the video, i know it's of her having fun at the shore, but it just reminds me of the shore and makes me weep.

so many places i'm glad i've been. so many experiences i'm so glad i had. even if i can't admit all of them, and likely never will, i treasure each one for what it may have taught me or shown me. even the bad ones. they made me who i am. and that isn't a bad person. too quick to temper, generally misanthropic, always sarcastic. but generally honest, if completely deluded. i try to be nice.

i joke and say that if i had it to do over again, i wouldn't. but i don't know if that is true. i wouldn't be here if i hadn't taken the journey i did. and i like it here. when it all comes down to it and i'm not overtaken by my depression, i love my life. i have it pretty easy, considering how many mad people wander alone on the streets. i found someone to take care of me. two someones. i'm damn lucky.

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