Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

make sure i know the stuff inside and out

why wouldn't someone want to feel this way all the time? why shouldn't someone feel this way all the time? i know plenty of functional people who are drunk all the time. or fucked up on prescription meds all the time. why shouldn't i be stoned all the time? i feel good. my head is clear. i am patient. i can think through a process. i can do something from start to finish (something i can't do sober). i feel motivated, creative, inspired. what in the world is wrong with the fact that i need a chemical to get there. plenty of people rely on chemicals every day to regulate their moods and focus and testosterone levels and estrogen levels and reproductive capability. no one thinks twice about that. Prozac, sure! Viagra, no problem! Birth control, knock yourself out! Martini, have another! Pot, junkie! Stoner! Dummy! Addict! Weakling!

i'm on a rant because i am stoned for the only time i will be today. and it will only last another half an hour, so i'm trying to use it while i've got it. i feel so good, so calm, so stable, i don't understand how this can be so wrong.

it almost makes me want to be an activist. if i didn't think activism was an utter waste of time and energy. maybe not totally useless. annoying. and if the RNC comes here, i plan to protest. and post all their kinky craigslist posts. craigslist explodes with anonymous hook-up requests when the Republicans come to town.

it's time to cut Tony the Tree back. i can see him from the back patio, he i reaching out too far. and he's begun this weird scratching at the house thing during wind storms that really gets to me and the cats. a half an hour with the pruners should do it. he can cut and i will catch.

also, the palms took advantage of their new light and room for growth and have over grown the walkway again. so it's time to trim them back again. more severely this time, to allow for new growth. if i wasn't afraid of the chainsaw, i would do it myself.

And i think he's going to N's for lunch. i have stuff to do. i've been trying not to sleep as much. i stayed up until 6 last night. doc and i went to bed at the same time.

i'm still having the nightmares. and still waking up after each one. Rachel Maddow was after me last night, something to do with words. copy. i don't know. it was weird. it left me as soon as i woke up. and i woke up at 4:30. it's going to be a long, hard morning. maybe i will work in the studio once it warms up a little. i can at least get the tools put away and a bunch of stuff thrown away. one table is covered with creative stuff. the other table is covered with doc's stuff. i moved some stuff around in the garage yesterday, so it should be easy to get a lot accomplished.

and i can put music on and open the front big door and the back door and let the breeze blow through. i noticed yesterday that doc has room on his shelf for some thing that is most likely in my way out there.

that should keep me busy for a while. i just have to figure out what to do until then. oh, read about turns out to be the premier self publishing house. they do photobooks and poetry books and that's it. and the photobooks get entered into the database. cool. so i have a lot of reading to do to make sure i know the stuff inside and out.

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