Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

if i can just get through the next few hours

oh, thank godd. the sun is coming up. i can't stand to get up when it's still dark anymore. i woke up every hour. the dream just went on and on every time i went back to sleep. i had to figure out something to do with words, descriptive words. but the things i had to describe kept morphing and changing. and i kept waking up in a cold sweat from it, hyperventilating. i would go to the bathroom or have a smoke and then lay back down, hoping for a different dream. after the third time, at 4:30, i just got up. and it was still dark, so i continued freaking out and lit every light in the house.

i really wish my doctor would have addressed my nightmares when i was there last, instead of showing me the door. fucker. which reminds me, doc faxed in the HIPAA form to my old doctor. i have to call them today and make sure they send my records over, i have to stay on them. as soon as it's done, i'll make an appointment with new doctor and see if i can get some treatment, and doc can get his FMLA paperwork filled out. there have only been a couple of nights i've needed him, but i don't know how i can keep doing it alone. i needed him last night. i wasn't feeling well, i knew i was going to have a bad night.

the sky is azure. soon, the sun.

okay, i think i'll sleep through NCIS tonight. they are having the goodbye episode for Gibbs' father. too sad. i want to avoid sad.

the news anchor sings over every song they lead in with. it's really annoying. her voice is pleasant enough, but she's not a singer, she's an anchor woman. better than Morning Joe, though. anything is better than that. i would watch a Shark infomercial before i would watch Morning Joe again.

Chewy wants to go out. last night he got let out and taken for a walk. lucky dog. i'll put the cam on him this morning and let him out when it's a bit lighter.

did the news anchor just say, "Hashtag awkward"?!?! what the christ is going on here? surely i'm going insane.

okay, dog is out photographing. i wish i could make the resolution of the images bigger. oh well. i'm really happy with this cheap little cam. aside from the resolution, i have no complaints. the video quality is good, and the volume is good. once you figure out how to use it, it's really easy to use. and it takes a beating, from what i've seen. i question the wisdom of putting the firewire port on the bottom of the unit, it gets full of dirt when they dig. but i have canned air, i am all powerful.

boring sunrise, i'm not even going out to photograph it. they are showing it on the news, and it's just yellow haze. why is it hazy with so much wind? that makes no sense.

my vine plant is going nuts in its new home. it is going to grow over the edges of the box, like i wanted it to, but i also think it's going to get involved with the other plants in the planter. i'll have to keep an eye on it. my newly blooming snowflake ball plant thing has another grouping of blooms.

the tomato plants seem to like their new home back by the wall. there i real soil there. there is shade there, so they didn't wilt. and i didn't water them until late yesterday because i thought doc would be doing it. nope. i'm in charge of the plants. so today i want him to plant the pepper plant and the last tomato plant. maybe i'll ask if i can keep the third tomato plant and keep it in a pot and see which does better, the ground or the potted.

and i have to plant the rose bush today. the name of the roses are "tiddly winks". they are pink and yellow and orange and mini, like the other bush over there. that bush is hot pink mini roses. so i figure the multi-colored ones would do nicely next to it. i also have to do something with the big rose bushes. i don't want to do it. i wish we hadn't inherited these beasts. but we did. and i need to deal with them. i think the yellow one is dead. the red one may just be too into the palm trees, and may have to be left alone to grow wild until it dies.

oh sweet christ . . . Chewy came home without the cam. just the collar. so i got my shoes on and put the leash on him and took him out and made him take me on his route. as we got home we saw it outside next door. the way we hadn't gone when we left. so i got a good walk in.

i planted the rose plant and watered all the babies. mopped the mudroom (ick) and cleaned out the old litter box (double ick). i fed and watered the outside cats and vacuumed the whole house. even moved the furniture. oh, and i took the xmas tree box out to the garage. so there is a big blank space between the dining room and living room.

all of this, on reheated coffee.

i woke up this morning convinced i had soda. so i put my glasses on and went to my soda mug and filled it with ice, my mouth watering for it like you wouldn't believe, then opened the fridge to get it, and there was none there. not the best way to start the day. so reheated coffee, it was. i made a fresh pot for doc last night before he left and each of us only had one cup, so there is a lot left over. i didn't have the heart to throw it out and make a fresh pot. now that it's nearly empty, i think i will. i still want cola. there, just emailed doc for cola. yesterday i got a cheeseburger. it was a good day. today is a grilled cheese day. we have ham, so grilled cheese and ham.

i have red beans and rice, too. it doesn't really go with the grilled cheese and ham, but sounds really good right now. let's see, it takes 35 minutes to cook the rice and five minutes to cook the grilled cheese. at 8 i'll put the beans on and prep the sandwich. and make a fresh pot of coffee.

i have to block out my mornings in time and reward. time because there is so much of it before doc gets home, and reward because i don't get enough weed to just constantly smoke it. i have to be very careful with it. back when i was stealing it from doc and mike, i didn't need to worry about that. i do now. so i was going to reward myself with a bowl after i did my chores. but i sober up when i eat, so there is little point in getting stoned now and then cooking, that would be a waste.

so, at 8, when TNG ends, and i'm done with this, i will put on the beans, prep the sandwich and wash the pan. then i'll do the cat boxes while the beans cook and do some tidying on the patio. then, at 8:45, when i'm done eating and doing all my stuff, i will go through the pictures that Chewy took and try to find a cat to put the cam on and send out into the world.

That puts me at 9. doc gets home at 10:30. i can play with the pictures that Chewy took. I have a few days worth to organize, too. I can wait until i'm done organizing and importing to smoke. oh, and i have to stuff cigarettes. i can put off smoking pot for a while, then. See, i can do this.

that puts me at doc getting home. he will want to eat and relax. i will read. then we have to go tend the farm. busy day. if i can just get through the next few hours.
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