Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

time to go take care of him.

in the on-going struggle to find a way to spend the next 40 years without making doc kill me or ending up on the streets, i've come up with two things. first, adderall. it's speed. no doctor has been willing to give it to me as yet, i want to try it and see if it motivates me at all, that would help things a lot. and at the other end of the spectrum, we have haldol. basically, putting myself into a drug-induced fugue state for the rest of my life. maybe sometimes coming off of it to try it again.

i can't afford to keep smoking pot. and i have to do something different. hence the adderall. if the doctor would just let me try it for a month and see if it made any difference. doc could keep an eye on me and take me off the med if it was harming me. i have to be more assertive with my doctor. once he has my records . . . that should make it easier. and maybe i can get my records released from the hospital, too, to help him out with my episodes, since they've witnessed and documented them.

i'm afraid Chewy got into something while running around the neighborhood. he's been compulsively licking his paws all day. i took him in the shower and washed his paws off really well. he's sleeping peacefully right now next to Lelu. I'm worried about him. because of the pot buying, we have no savings and nothing to take him to the vet with. when he wakes up, i'm going to wash his paws off again. and i won't be letting him get out loose anymore. i will be eating my fear and taking him for walks.

i did it last year. i even got as far as the park a few times. my mp3 player helped. i'll start using that again. i have to take care of my doggy. he's not that bright, he gets into stuff. if something happened to him because i can't leave the house to walk him, i would never forgive myself. and here, it may have already happened. god only knows what he's been ingesting all day from his paws. when he wakes up i'll give him some milk, since he won't take antacid. no, he's up, and licking again. time to go take care of him.

  • dry hot and dusty as hell

    My last surviving grand parent died a couple of weeks ago. Two days to the hour o my Nana's death, my favorite cat, Boo, died in my arms. The grief…

  • Hey there, hi there, ho there

    I'm back, bitches and bastards, TC paid for a forever pass, I should use it. The cops came over and did a welfare check about a month ago. My…

  • Got Caught Stealing

    Having had yet another clever thing stolen by a bunch of what I have to assume are white middle aged hate macines; The line in my twitter profile…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.