Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

bother.

when i have nothing creative to do, i feel empty. dead inside. i feel like sleeping until i am inspired again. i do this, too. i get up for sunrise to take pictures. i get up during the day to put the cam on the cats and take more pictures and then work with them.

i haven't been writing. it's been almost two months since i wrote a poem.

i can tell when an anxiety attack is coming on because i start to itch. all over. i just took a xanax because i was itching and feeling odd. usually a good sign things are spinning out of control.

so my doctor is smarter than i gave him credit for. he wrote me a 30 day script and my appointment is 32 days from the last. so i figured on a two day med gap. then i noticed that he put refills on all my meds. so i can get them filled tomorrow. my last doctor wasn't that smart. he just made me have a med gap every 90 days. it was awful.

i'm staying here. i'm not going to leave all that i have in the hopes of getting less. there is no need to martyr myself, and who is going to notice, anyway? i'm just going to make myself more miserable and get into something i can't get out of. that's not me. you all have given me some great advice, especially seaivy. and you're right. i'm staying where i am.

i made teriyaki steak strips and rice today. i overcooked the steak and undercooked the rice. it was a pretty dismal meal. doc ate it, like a hero, raving about it the whole time. i'll be in less of a rush the next time i make it and do it right.

i just played "Old MacDonald" while blowing my nose. my talent knows no bounds.

i keep getting new followers on twitter. this "left wing nut job" thing is working out for me. i've gotten to the point where my controversial tweets get more positive attention than negative. i'm getting known for my rants and getting messages like "rave on" and "keep ranting".

i've got this big UK political following right now, and i don't know where i got it. i try to follow the politics over there, but i can't keep up with it. i can't imagine how they keep up with our mess. their political system is far less chaotic than ours.

i have this small sore on the right side of my nose that won't heal. it was never a zit or a blackhead, it just popped up a scab one day and won't go away. it doesn't help i pick at it, but it's been over 6 months, and it won't go away. sometimes i think it's gone, then i notice it's scabbed over again out of the corner of my eye. it's very annoying. i don't do meth, but i look like i do. sloppy of me.

if i could go back and tell myself something, it would be to take care of myself and enjoy my teeth and good skin and hair while i could. i wouldn't listen to myself, but that would be my advice.

i helped my first hurt lizard today. i don't have the habitat set up yet, so all i could do was hold him until he was no longer stunned and then put him up on the wall. i found his tail under the table on the patio. darn cats. why the lizards? they don't hurt any one and they can't possibly taste good with all those scales and nonsense.

it's to the point in the evening where i wonder if i should just lay down for the next couple of hours before i have to get doc up. i can't think of any reason to stay awake, and yet i know i will feel like shit if i lay back down. bother.
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