Doc is out getting me a French Dip sandwich and curly spicy fries. nom nom nom.
much much later . . .
i woke up from my daily sleep with a caffeine headache. a bad one. i had two glasses of cola today. no coffee. i was suffering. i smoked a cigarette and lay back down, but even with Major massaging my head (yes, he was kneading my head and i was letting him), and Chewy cuddling with me, I did not feel better.
So i got back up and made myself a pot of hazelnut blend and heated up some milk for a cafe au lait. i'm halfway through that au lait now, and i feel so much better.
i told doc my photo book idea with the pets. he wasn't impressed. he doesn't seem to like the photoshop stuff i've been doing. well, he doesn't appreciate it. i need to not let that deter me, though. i have an hour of images from Vader's outing today to go through. i was set up to do it earlier, but the wifi crapped out and i messed with that for an hour. then doc messed with it for ten minutes and fixed it. it's the computer. i don't have it set right, or i didn't.
i got a new book on the Kindle. Kensington Gore's "Seasonings of the Witch", a book of tales. He's a horror writer from the UK that follows me on twitter, this is my first opportunity to read his work. he gives away his stuff on Kindle through amazon all the time, i've just never had the infernal thing hooked up before.
the only problem i can see with the Kindle is that i am reading five books right now. it saves my place in them, no matter how many i start. all i have to do is search the for the book and it finds the last page i was on. brilliant. i was regretting i bought it for doc when i did. i bought it at the very end of the first Kindle with the keyboard's life, when it went on sale for some ridiculously low price. And then the lit up screen one came out right after, and I thought, well fuck. but no, i love the thing. i have all my books backed up on my computer, and i've found i can get more the same way i get movies and music.
oh man, the headache is completely gone now. (today's sticky key is the ",", in case you were curious) i feel so much better. i hate those headaches. they are the same as stress and heat headaches for me, a vice on the back of my head and neck. with light sensitivity.
in my senior year in high school, i suffered from undiagnosed, crippling headaches that kept me out of school most of the year. They never found the cause of it, but it was caffeine. we were mormon, no caffeine. but when i went out, i drank copious amounts of coffee. they grounded me for a month and my coffee got cut off all of a sudden. and the headaches started. and i was under 18, so pain medication was out of the question, so the whole year was filled with tests and hospitalizations, to no avail. "Conversion Syndrome" before it was a thing, when it was just called being a hypochondriac. now i have that label on my medical records and it makes it impossible to get any treatment. i just get dismissed now when i go to an emergency room. so i never go to the emergency room.
and burn notice is on. i love this show! every Friday for hours, it's on. it's what i work to, now. I haven't had music on since the holidays, it seems. oh, no, I found a mozart collection that i've been listening to, but that almost doesn't qualify. i mean classical music has so little to do with poplular music. i love them for different reasons. but i'm very picky. i don't like anything that sounds depressing. so, no requiems. i think mozart is my favorite. his music is so carefree and playful. i need to find more like him. but anyway, i was saying (stoned, no, i'm not stoned, why would you think that?) that i work to Burn Notice. I turn it on windows media player in the background with my headphones on and listen to it while i'm creating.
it has taught me to narrate my life in a whole new way. i've always narrated my life. i've always had cameras and scribes following me around. i've changed styles a few times, as i learned other ways of narrating things. now it's a Michael Westin, ex-spy monologue. Very entertaining. I have to play games with my mind. left to wander, it goes places it shouldn't.
I saw the episode of Star Trek TNG today where Luxana Troi and Deanna and Riker get kidnapped by Ferengi and Will gets promoted at the end, after he misses his chance to go to the Academy by staying on the Enterprise to save the day. The song that is the center of the plot, that they play at the beginning during a reception, is driving me crazy. and somehow i know if i look it up, i will find it on youtube. and i don't know if this is a good thing, or not. it's a simple little ditty. haunting.
it's better than the Pearl Jam that has been running through my head for three days. that was driving me crazy. I don't even listen to Pearl Jam. it's just when i was with Douchebag in the 90s, "Better Man" was my mantra, and it comes back to follow me around every so often. I wish I'd never heard it. I'm thinking of rewriting the lyrics to something ridiculous and see if that doesn't make it either go away or become a more pleasant experience.
My 45th birthday is in little over a month. i don't know how i feel about that. being this close to 50 is kind of freaky. i don't feel it at all. aside from some light bladder problems and bad teeth. i just don't feel that close to 50. 45. wow. and again, i look back and wonder what i did with this year. nothing. started a lot of projects. finished very few. This year will be different. it's my own private new year's celebration. We're celebrating all month, as usual. We're starting with First Friday and the Chewy Cam. I'm going to get him to take me down to the strip one night so I can take pictures all over the place. I can go down there during the day, soon. But at night, I need an escort, he says.
And the OKCupid thing just didn't work out. i've heard nothing for weeks. and though i deleted my profile on POF.com, i still get notices that guys "want to meet me". Guys who didn't read my 150 word profile that ends with "Don't press the you "want to meet me" link, unless you want to be ignored." I've learned that men don't know how to read, and if they can work out the words, they have no reading comprehension skills at all. so meeting people this way isn't going to work.
i'm going to have to bite the bullet and figure out the bus schedule downtown for all the poetry events every week. i get three and four notices a week of poetry jams and spoken word open mics. and i should be going to them. AND I NEED NEW PHOTOGRAPHY SUBJECTS. i can only take so many HDR sets of pictures of the little football outside in the overgrown grass. and i don't think the neighbors would be hep to me walking up to their porches to take pictures of their flowers. though the people in this neighborhood put up with a lot of weirdness. as long as it's not loud, except in the summer. then the place comes alive with street parties and motorcycle meetups and all manner of social stuff.
i think Chewy and i might register for the Rock and Roll Night time Marathon this year. We can walk the half course. it's at night, so it won't burn his little paws on the pavement, so i don't have to get him booties. that's something we have to remember for First Friday. we have to get there late enough that the pavement has cooled because we will be walking in the streets. i also need to see if he fits in my Social Distortion rucksack or if I'm going to have to break out my indestructible leather rucksack from camel that has lasted me 15 years and still looks new. it's black and it cost me an obscene amount of camel cash, but it's the best thing i ever did with my smoking habit. it will be easier to carry him in the pack than in the carrier.
enough writing right now. i'm watching the tv shows i missed this week.