Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i got lucky with you lot.

i woke up half on, half off the couch. i seemed comfortable enough. the dog and cats had given up on me and surrounded the couch, watching me. so i don't know if it was the eyes on me or the bad balance that woke me up.

i finished The Vampire Lestat and read half of The Queen of the Damned yesterday. i don't remember much from either of them, i'm glad i decided to re-read them.

mostly . . . mostly i don't care about anything. isn't mine right now. i have to call and pay for it. i don't know why i didn't yesterday. am i trying to lose it? it would break my heart if i lost it. so what is my problem. mostly, i don't care.

i want my meds back.

tomorrow is my appointment. i'll get my meds tomorrow evening. by the weekend, i should be fine again. i hate not feeling. i hate being this way. i think i would rather have the rage than this apathy.

i tried reaching out to a couple of twitter people with my wit and solidarity. i got ignored. multiple times by one person. so i unfollowed the bitch. i don't need to look for ways to not fit in and be ignored. fuck people. why are you the only people that shouldn't be burned in their beds? how did i get so lucky as to assemble you around my feeble words? whatever, thank you for being here and listening to me.

thank you for not being a bunch of sycophants, inflating my ego unnecessarily with empty sympathies. your collective silence used to wrench at me. not any more. when i get the odd comment, it is always so thoughtful that i know you are listening. i don't need a lot of "oh, poor cyd". that does me no good. i got lucky with you lot.

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