Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

i hate myself for the way i treat him.

He tries so hard. And he is so patient. He does everything he can think of to make my life easier, better. And I fault him if the ideas aren't the right ones. I suck here, not him.

After the unreserved cunt i have been for the last two days, when i woke up, he expressed regret that he was just going to bed as i got up. how sweet is that? I know, i could cry.

i get so hateful when i'm sober. i mean, i can't even describe how incredibly unpleasant i get. yesterday was largely a sober day. this morning was sober. at one point i threw my pot and pipe in the garbage rather than smoke it and feel better, that is how bad i felt. i wanted to wallow in it. it was pathetic.

and through it all he was running around, trying to do things to make me happy and never succeeding.

i hate myself for the way i treat him.
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