Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

i'm always grumpy when it's messy in here

I slept in my new bed today. It is so comfortable. Several cats and the dog joined me and I wasn't the least bit crowded. It was so nice. I think tonight I'll sleep back on the couch, though. At night I need the light and noise of the TV. Soon I'll get cable hooked up in my room. Doc wants me to spend more time in my room or studio so he can have his friends over. They don't like me. They've heard nothing but bad for the past few years. I don't mind, they don't really know me. And he needs someone he can vent to. I have no problem with it. I've set everything up to accommodate the laptop and its accessories in there.

i found a program that told me who i was following on twitter who wasn't following me. i cleared most of them out. except for the five famous people i actually care about hearing about and the news feeds and the cat memes. then i deleted dead accounts. useful little program. i; glad i gave up facespace. if i post in there promoting my site, a maximum of seven people see it. if i post in twitter, almost 500 people see it. twitter doesn't censor me for money. fuck facebook.

i figured out what is keeping me away from the poetry site . . . the interactions i've had with people that are negative there. they are far fewer than the positive ones, but they ring out in my head, and i don't want to go back there or participate or anything anymore. the people just ruined it for me. i let them do that. i have to stop that.

there were over a hundred fucks who followed me to get me to follow them, then unfollowed me right after. fuckers. i deleted them all. a few of them i've been actively promoting. i'm such a sucker. i'm too eager to feel special. i want to think someone is making me feel special so i want to do something nice back to them. and they're not treating me special, they are just lying, trying to get me to do something for them. god, i hate people like that.

i, while i'm hating, also hate people on twitter with 1,000 followers or more that actually pay attention to who is following them on a daily basis and deletes them right away when they stop following. that drives me crazy, to think of some sad person sitting there obsessing over individuals when their audience is so big.

i'm in a mood this morning. i'm mad because doc has just started leaving some household chores to me and isn't even making an effort anymore. he's just bossing me around. and i have to clean like a motherfucker today because the house is a mess. the kitchen is trashed, the dining room table is covered with his trash and papers and stuff. the floor needs to be vacuumed. and he's not just sneaking out of doing these things, he's actually harassing me about them. i'm not his fucking maid to do his dishes and pick up his clothes. he doesn't do it for me. so today i will clean, then we will have a serious talk. because he's not doing anything. sweeping the driveway may be fun for him, but it doesn't do anything for the household. the wind will blow all that shit away, anyway. he wasted two hours fucking around doing that and didn't trim any trees. the trees are budding, we need to trim them YESTERDAY, it's already too late to do it in a healthy way for the trees.

something always hurts him. his hands or his foot or his knee or his asthma. and he won't go get it fixed, he just bitches and uses it as an excuse. yesterday he was almost done taking my bed apart when he announced that his hands hurt and he couldn't go on. great. i saw him eat a bunch of pain reliever an hour beforehand. so it wasn't getting better. why did you start the project if your hands hurt? i don't understand.

i'm just pissed, don't listen to me, i'm not making any sense at all. i'm just ranting. i just threw my ring across the room because it kept twisting around while i was typing and being uncomfortable. if i could take my fingers off and throw them away, i would for all the typing mistakes i'm making. and i can't even blame it on long nails because i just cut them. i don't know what my problem is. i don't want to get high. usually when i'm like this, it's because i'm not high. but i don't want to get high. i don't feel like it right now.

am i wallowing in my rage? should i think of the pot as the medicine it's meant to be and not the addiction i keep stigmatizing it as? if i don't feel like smoking it right now, i can't be addicted. no matter how foul my mood.

did you watch my sunrise video? oh, wait, i didn't post it in here, did i? wait, i'll get the link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ao5oFiuoMi0 and wow, youtube matched up the music i used in it already. that's cool. i think i'm going to do a sunset vid with the ambient house goth shit i found.

today's computer project is to find the stock images site i was using. i don't have the email from it anymore and i don't have the bookmark, and i was stupid and didn't pinterest it. from now on i pinterest all my bookmarks.

i can has one last cup of coffee before i'm out of milk. i guess i'll go heat it up. i'm not happy about this at all. it's just a bad day. i'll be better when the sun rises and i get this place clean, i'm always grumpy when it's messy in here.
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