Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

cheer me up

WooHoo!! Doc bought a 14" chainsaw. I can't wait to learn how to use it and take down the ratty palm trees and make them pretty again. There is this giant hardware shop here, I don't know what it is called. But they have dollar sales and free coupons for stuff. I got a set of clamps for free. And doc is getting me a pair of paint brushes for the chairs outside. He's also getting a shovel. Wow. We really are house dwellers now. We have power tools and outdoor tools. I hope we never have to go back to an apartment.

I'm still not over my misery from earlier. It MUST be PMS. I can't think of any other reason I would be in this mood. I even scrubbed the kitchen, though it didn't need it, to make myself feel better. It worked for a while. Then I stuffed a pack and a half of cigarettes for the day/night. Then I vacuumed and did the litter boxes. Now I'm out of things to do and he won't be home for another hour. I just want to cuddle up with him and the animals and cry.

We haven't been getting along. We haven't been fighting, but we have been speaking to each other in short, terse bursts. The snark index is high in here this weekend. I don't know why. He is worried about me, but again, i don't know why. My eating is erratic, as usual. My sleep is good. What he should be concerned about is getting me a doctor.

It's been a year since I saw a shrink. I've been living off stored/old/someone else's medication. I'm running out. I have about two weeks worth of anti-psychotics. I'll press him to get me the HR number today. Worst case scenario, I run out of meds and flip out a little and spend a couple days at the loony bin. I will leave stabilized and with a prescription for my meds in my hand and referrals to shrinks. My whole problem is that I can't have a shrink in network under my insurance. I've just been through it. There are none within a 20 mile radius of here that are accepting new patients. My old shrink moved his office 30 miles away. Gas for the big-ass truck is just too expensive, considering we are paying out of pocket for the appointment. Also, if I go into the hospital, I won't have to interview with the SSA psychiatrist this year, they will use the report from the hospital. That saves a trip across town and a day Doc has to take off work.

Doc is bringing spanikopita home. I'll eat that. Hopefully he is bringing cola home, too.

I'm in no good mood to read poetry. Maybe I'll try anyway. Maybe there will be good stuff and it will cheer me up.

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