Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

I continue to raid the online dating scene with my marriedness

i joined OKcupid. POF just wasn't getting me any responses, so I went with a bigger site. In the second line of my profile I state, "I don't text", because I don't. My phone just has a number pad, so texting is problematic and not something that I enjoy. Since adding that, I've gotten three guys telling me I'm pretty, that I have a great profile and they want to text me. I also mention in my profile that I hate stupid people. And I'm not pulling any punches. I'm weeding these guys right out, thanking them for not actually reading my profile and then lying about it and wasting my time. Thanking them for their time not spent. Lying bastards. I'm pretty? What part about the missing teeth is pretty? I even have one of my Ricky Gervais Bath pics up there . . . What's a Ricky Gervais Bath pic?

Why, it's when you go into the bath, make yourself scary/silly and take a head shot selfie. Here, I'll show you mine:

He never published it, he never publishes girl Bath Pics, I'm starting to think he's a sexist. I thought my bath pic was especially funny because of the missing teeth, Ricky has even taking to blacking his teeth out in his Bath Pics. But, no, he didn't post it. Fucker. How dare he not let me publicize my weakness and own it, right? Because it is all about me, right? Actually he probably didn't post it because he knows the internet is a cruel place and it just would have opened this strange American girl up to ridicule. In which case, he is a very nice guy.

Okay, so that picture is in with my profile pictures. It's on the first page of pictures, not obscured, right there for anyone to see. And the part where it says "Something people notice first about me . . .", I mention the missing teeth. It's chasing people away in droves. Only the guys who don't bother to read beyond the "Bi-female, 44" are messaging me. This is a curious experiment.

And if I had a nickel for every guy who called me "Dear", what are you, 70? My dad and my Papa called me Dear. Whatever, total turn off. And I'm just looking for friends, unless it's a girl. I don't want to be talked down to. It's pretty easy to see why some of these guys are on here, they have no clue how to have a conversation with a woman. Why do people have to be so complicated?

It's time to go hit the comments section on allpoetry. I have to earn this week's Gold Membership. I have a fresh pot of coffee and a brain that hasn't seen poetry for 36 hours. I'm ready.

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