Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

and i want no part of it.

i went to sleep at one. got up at 3. had a cigarette, refilled my soda. then i wrote a political slam poem. then i masturbated to some lesbian porn that doc downloaded for me. and now i'm going to have a bowl of cereal and hope i keep it down. i still don't feel like eating, but i'm feeling some blood sugar issues, so i want to be at my best today. that's why the masturbating, i didn't want to be distracted.

i don't know why, i just feel this day is important. and not because it's president's day and doc may get a bed. i just have a lot i want to accomplish and i feel like i will.

i put the band that was on my index finger onto my thumb and my whole outlook on life changed.

it was 78 yesterday. and should be again today. before it got warm yesterday, we had a fire in the fire pit. i love that fire pit. best thing kelli ever told me to buy.

i spent a bunch of time outside yesterday just thinking and enjoying the air. i can't wait until spring.

okay, i have nothing important to say. it's all just poetry. oh, i was reading Anne Sexton's collected poems and i decided i don't like her poetry. too flowery. and she worked too hard to rhyme it when the word breaks are never on the rhyme. so it's just lost. what a waste of time and emotion. the whole forward was about how this buddy of hers would work with her to "refine" her poems to make them less raw and more structured. what brilliance was lost in this misguided process? if i had someone doing that with my work, i would produce nothing at all. i guess that's the cost of wanting to be a "famous" poet, you have to sacrifice real feeling to please the forms and structures of the art. fuck that. that's not my idea of art, that is my idea of commercialism. and i want no part of it.

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