i took two ambien to get some straight sleep last night. didn't work. i am immune to ambien and xanax and valium now. none of them work on me. it makes anxiety attacks pretty inconvenient.
ready for another day with my grandma. doc is going to try again to get off work early, maybe today he will be able to.
this has all been weighing on my mood. doc said i was in touch with my inner cranky yesterday.
oh, and someday, somewhere, i will walk by a mexican man and he will NOT say "punta". i swear. that is my goal. before i die, not to be called a punta by every mexican that walks by me. i don't know what it is. there was a house full of mexicans in PA that i used to have to walk by on my way to the store and they would chant it. then yesterday, at the hospital as we were walking out. doc was walking about 3 yards from me, on a different walkway, and these two guys walked up and as they passed me one looked at me and said it. what the fuck? and i'm always so shocked and confused, i never have time to say something about it. kelli and doc were full of suggestions for comebacks. i just never have the time.
i'm worn out, exhausted, but not tired. make sense? i can't go to sleep. i just lay there and toss and turn. play with the animals. but when i sit up i am just so overwhelmed with tired.
i ate two hamburgers yesterday. i really hadn't eaten for a week. doc bought me two and i ate two. piggy. heh.
doc and my nana were talking about my coffee/sugar/milk usage, or over usage and nana said, "but you're not fat!" i told her i don't eat. that's what led to the infamous conversation about vegetables.
i have to take down the xmas lights outside today. the tree is staying up for a while longer. everything feels on edge, i can't get into the middle of a big project like that. it took me three days to decorate it. plus we are buying those plastic storage bins for the vintage ornaments because my collection now warrants it. so i get to wait a few days before taking the tree down. and you know what? this year i got enough of the holidays that i'm ready to let it go. i can't even finish my snickerdoodles, i'm just over it. i'm looking forward to valentine's and easter.
i think i'm going to lay down for a while and try to sleep a little more, and then get up and clean the kitchen and get ready to go to the hospital. i wonder what my nana will talk about today? i'm going to try and get her to spill the secret of the cioppino.