Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i wanted to write doc an anniversary poem

so i did, and it's wretched.


So many years
So much time was wasted
I knew you’d
Be here forever
But I didn’t know that
Forever was now
And it is now
I can hold you now
And kiss you now
We can spend
All the time we want
With each other
No homes to go to
No curfews to beat
So why do I feel
Like a teenager in love?

So many years.
With you by my side.
I promised
To love you
But I didn’t know if
I could really do it
But I can really do it
I can hold you
And kiss you
And show you
What you mean to me
In this scheme
Of complicated things.
We’ve never
Been one, always
Two of the same
The same in love.

so there's that.

a poem i entered in a contest on allpoetry was removed from the contest with no explanation. and i followed all the instructions to the letter, even commenting on two people's poems in the contest, instead of the one that was asked for. i'm an overachiever sometimes. so i'm all crushed over that. on the other hand, one i wrote about not going on a killing spree won honorable mention in a different contest. i have to start a contest to advance any further on the site. and make a bunch of comments and post a few poems, i'm behind by a day. i didn't go there at all yesterday. some people make this their vocation.

i'm resisting the urge to message my mom something passive aggressive and deleting her from my facespace.

i answered that email, before you all advised me not to. no response. so there's that. at least i didn't get myself into any more trouble and that seems to be over. end of wondering if it's Kelly. whatever, my family is weird and none of them really know me. none of them ever wanted to. the kids were to young and the adults were just interested in the most recently adopted one.

so today is my anniversary. we're not doing anything for it. except recognizing it, which is new. so i have that to look forward to today, happiness and love. much cuddling will be done today.

if i can keep myself in a good mood. that will be hard. but it's not his fault. it's mine and no one's. so my poem got disqualified with no explanation. so my parents don't care about me. big fucking deal. i'm healthy and my bills are paid. i have a comfortable home and a happy marriage and a bunch of pets i love dearly. these are the things that matter now. they are now and they are real. they aren't the past and my family. they aren't the cyberworld of allpoetry. they are things i can grasp and hold on to. they matter.

i worked on my current art journal project for about 45 minutes. i have to wait for the paint to dry. now i'm going to lay down. on cam, so come watch the animals pile on me.

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