i messaged my mom (i'm out of minutes, not allowed to call with doc's phone because of caller ID, and tired of trying) on facespace and told her i'd been trying to get in touch with them but i guess it wasn't meant to be. she messages me back. was it a "sorry" for being elusive and rude? an invitation to come over and get the things? no, it was a few simple words, "Nana will be here until the 3rd." PIFFLE! She knows i want nothing more in the family area than to see my nana. i haven't seen her for 20 or more years. so now i have to figure out some way to communicate with them without my phone and try and see my nana with a reluctant doc. THEY SUCCEEDED IN MAKING ME HATE THE FUCKING HOLIDAY. again. 7 words and being impossible to get in touch with, and they've trashed it. fuckers.
i have to try and get beyond this. i come from scum. the magic that is my nana and papa skipped a generation, maybe two, i'm not too sure about me. my parents are fuckers and always have been and, apparently, always will be. i just want to see my nana. if we had something other than the truck i would try to arrange to pick her up and kidnap her for a couple of hours, which would be the only way i'd get to spend quality time with her. but putting her two new knees and new hip into the truck with her attached would be hard. it's a climb-up-into-it kind of truck. it's a big truck.
man, i'm really upset about this. it happened while i was making dinner and i didn't really have time to think about it. then we ate and then doc cleaned up while we talked and then i was so stuffed i had to go to sleep. i've been up for an hour now and it's really bugging me. i'm on the verge of tears here, with frustration. why did i even have to contact my mom about the ornaments? why?? i could have just avoided them like i do every year. but no, i had to get involved with them. nothing with them is ever simple.
okay, it's christmas day. i have a bunch of cookies to eat and presents to open. i think i'll ask doc to make waffles and sausages for breakfast. i'm in the mood for a big breakfast, and he'll be up in a couple of hours. we'll eat around 6 or so. then he has to make his xmas deliveries, because no one was home yesterday. and then he has to sleep for work. i don't have time for all this other shit. i'll spend a couple hours in the studio today. i can envision the boxes i want to work on today.