my dad's an old radio man. he used to DJ at a country rock station in the late 70's-early 80's. down the hall there was a heavy metal station. guess where i hung out. i used to hang out in the darkened booth and line up records to be played based on their cover design. the ones i thought looked cool got played. that was my 10 year old philosophy.
it got up to 65 today, and i spent no time in the studio. i made cookies, again. tomorrow, hopefully he will go to the store and i will be able to make the rest of the goodies and finish my gifts to N's family (i am giving him something i made to keep the kids busy so he and his missus can get some peace xmas day), and to B and the fam.
i've been trying to call my shiftless father all week to set up a time to get the ornaments. he is elusive, to say the very least. i give up. i don't want the ornaments badly enough to keep frustrating myself chasing them down. fuck that, i'm over that. i'm past their games of power. fuck them. even after all they've been through they are still the same secretive, lying, manipulative wastes of flesh they used to be. nothing has changed. how do you lose all but one of your children and remain the same pig headed twat you always were? i guess the three ghosts just didn't appear to them.
i saw a version of a Christmas Carol today with Patrick Stewart. God i love that man. it was no Muppet version, but it was good. he makes a good Scrooge. i recognized some of the other people in it but i couldn't name them.
all day i've been snuffly, and have been unable to regulate my body temperature. doc said the "s" word . . . was i? no i am not getting sick. i have no time to get sick.
i got a package from Georgia today, i know who that's from, Thank you Lilliane (and Cryo!)! doc wouldn't let me shake it. he told me to wrap it and put it under the tree.
when i do my ebay sales, i let ebay estimate the postage, and by using them , i get a discount on it. pretty good deal, don't have to think, save money. but it low-balled me on my last sale. when i packed up the toy, i could only find a priority box, and it was $14 to ship it, instead of the dollar something the person had been charged, i panicked. then i spied a box of net lights i had just found and stuffed the toy in that box and priced it out. a dollar something. perfect. ack. i'm not set up for this shipping stuff. i thought i was, i've been saving small boxes for 10 years in anticipation of this.
gah! it is so hard to exercise control! i'm used to ripping packages open when i get them, birthday or xmas. now i have three packages under my tree with mystery stuff in them and i can't do anything about it. damn my promises to myself! that will make wednesday all the sweeter. got to get to the dollar store and get some stocking stuffers for doc. i'm not sure what i'll get him, i'll look in the hardware aisle and i'm sure i'll find something. i've got to wrap the two CDs that are already in his stocking. i'll leave the speakers hooked up to the laptop and we can listen to Ani Difranco and Fugazi all holiday long.
what is happening to me? now i like the new Justin Timberlake, i'm watching on SNL and i love it (the first song, with the green lasers). and earlier i was talking about british pop. am i mellowing? did this happen to Rollins? does he secretly listen to Beyonce?
i took a shower in doc's bathroom, kind of nice. doc's bathroom is the only one with a proper shower. i have a big bathtub with a hand shower attachment on the faucet. but the walls are painted, not tiled so when i shower in there, i have to squat down. usually i don't mind, and in the winter i take a bath every day as well, but i felt like taking a standing up shower. it felt good. my hair is finally clean. i need to dye the roots. i hate being in love with myself blonde. it's so bad for my hair. and the straigtening . . . no good. but i don't do that as much any more, since i've learned to tame my curls into waves.
wow, it seems like everyone has a cologne out. i want to sniff Gaga's, but i don't think i'll be tempted to buy it. the last cologne i bought was CK Be. actually, i didn't buy it, i got it as an xmas gift from doc the first year we were together. a few years ago, a friend gave me some Black Orchid by Tom Ford. i love that stuff, but it's strong. i sprayed it on in the bathroom one day and the bathroom stunk the whole day. it was awful. i haven't worn cologne since then. i prefer to stink.
doc is asleep but i miss him.
we have to get rid of the love seat. and i don't want to part with it. it has too many corners and creases and the bed bugs are in there and we can't get them out. every time we think we've gotten them all, i lay on it and get covered with bugs. okay, not covered, there were three on me, but that's enough. blood sucking vermin.