Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i don't even remember why i am mad at him, i just know i am. oh yeah, he gave me this bullshit quiz on the bedroom. he's left this entire bedbug thing to me, only speaking up to complain i haven't gotten rid of them. that's why i went to bed at 4 in the afternoon and got up at 8 and ignored him when he woke up. i can't be civil, so i just won't say anything. i wasn't even going to make him coffee. when i went to bed i told him i'd see him tomorrow morning. but i couldn't not make him coffee. i hate being mad at him, but he just seemed determined to hurt my feelings today. and then when, instead of lashing out, i told him he was hurting my feelings, he dissected the situation and negated my feelings. i'm not feeling the warm fuzzies for him at the moment.

call it hormonal imbalance, blame it all on me, whatever. i know he's guilty of starting some of the fights. if just for being stupid and insensitive. he can be so vulcan at times, it infuriates me. and he seems to love to apply his logic to my emotions. as if emotions had anything to do with logic.

i made us spiced french toast and bacon and sausages for breakfast today. i made him go out and get the ingredients.

i told him i want to eat at the table for thanksgiving. he went for the quiche idea over the fondue. he's spent the last few thanksgivings at the boys' house or at work. this year he may be working, but he will still be here for dinner. he can eat before he goes to sleep for the evening.

i looked around for stuffed grape leaves online and found many choices. including the brand i remember loving. and for much less money than i expected to have to pay for them.

and i found an xmas tree for only $40. so the tree savings will pay for dinner.

in line with my absolute love of caramel and my inability to eat soft caramel because of my teeth, doc got me caramel lollies today. they are so good. he got me some halloween candy. some cheap stuff, i said, "are we going to be Those people?" and he told me he was going to get the good stuff too, and the kids could trade for stuff later and sort it out themselves. okay. as long as i have plenty of candy so i don't run out again this year.

the high wind of the last 24 hours blew down my halloween decorations. i'm not putting them back up. pathetic though they were. i have a skeleton tacked to the outside of the house. that's sufficient. i'll decorate the porch on the day of.

the cats have shown an aversion to the pumpkin. i don't think i'll be getting any cute pictures of my precious black babies with the pumpkin. they don't like the way it smells. so i'm just going to carve it. we have plenty of tea lights, so i can have it lit on the porch, inside the security gate, all halloween night. i don't know how doc is going to get any sleep that night, unless i sit in the hallway with the door open waiting for the trick or treaters to come up so they don't have to ring the doorbell. i may do that. just sit there and read. actually, the laptop will reach the entry way, so i can take that in there. that will make time go fast. the important thing is getting the candy to the kids.

i finally found Chewy a harness. i've been looking for just the right one . . . and the LED light up ones seemed unnecessary. on amazon i found a leather biker vest type of harness. with a cool metal skull hanging from the tab the leash hooks into. it will go great with his studded dog collar. and it will butch him up a little. make him less of a target for the predatory chihuahuas wandering the dog park waiting to hump unsuspecting border terriers. he's such a nice dog, he wouldn't think of growling, he just sat down and whimpered a little.

i'm going on an outing tomorrow. i'm going to the laundrette with doc. big excitement, i know. but it is out of the house! yay! and not just sitting in the car. that way i can keep an eye on my animals while we run them through the dryer. my poor animals.

i've been listening to Alice in Chains' "Would" for the last hour. it never gets old. it takes me on a vague trip. flashes of memories attached to the song that i let go of so long ago, they are reluctant to come back. it's strange, just flashes of emotion and sights. strange. strange strange.

it just hit me that i've lost my entire family. my parents deny me. my sister unfriended me. my one brother disappeared years ago and my other brother is with my parents or in jail. i'm just going to push this out of my mind, this i no thing to think of with the holidays coming up, this is a time for love and happiness.

i'm going to try and let the good will spirit fill me this year. i'm going to try and not be so wrapped up in myself. i'm going to get the donation stuff to the appropriate charities and gather food for the food bank. that's about all we can give. and of course i will spend at least a little money on a toy for toys for tots.

i am overwhelmed by "what's the point". i always feel hopeless when doc and i aren't getting along.

speaking of, time to go remind him of the time. he has a clock, i don't know why i have to do it, but i do it.

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