Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

hands on

on our last go-through in the garage last week, i found a box of precut yarn in every color of the rainbow and a blank latch-hook canvas. so i'm making a "confetti" rug. opening one color at a time and putting them randomly around the canvas, then moving on to the next color. i've finished red. i'm also taking pictures as i finish each color, so i can see the progressive work when i'm done. it gives me something creative to do that isn't writing. that way i don't get sick of writing. and i have the writing so i don't get sick of the rug.

once the rug is done, i'll start making jewelry again. i have several things designed, with the materials gathered that just need to be assembled. i'm just not in a jewelry mood right now. the rug will be good for me. and it will be for me, something i can put in my room when i'm done. the jewelry is for sale, not for me. i'm sick, i'm feeling selfish. i want something new and pretty and it doesn't exist so i'm going to make it and it will be just for me me me. and it's nice to work with my hands. gives my wrists a break from the constant typing.

i've been trying to write poetry in my paper journal. that way i can sit outside on the patio, where i get my best inspiration these days. then i come in and type it up and edit it. i have to remember to read them to doc before i post them anywhere because he often has ideas of things to add to the pieces. he had something to add to the one i wrote last night, but it was too late. now i have the idea for a whole new piece, i'm just not feeling it. i'm going to save it for sunrise because it's about the sun.

i've decided i'm only going to discuss politics with doc from now on. he reads a lot and he is very analytical, and with some things he has the inside scoop and he always educates me or makes me educate myself further. whereas political conversations anywhere else just result in stupid. and i'm really tired of stupid.

we've put all money spending on hold. should this thing with the debt ceiling implode, my check this month will be the last of its kind until the republicans figure their shit out. and i don't think our property management company is going to give a shit that i can't pay rent because i'm not getting my social security check. i'm sure they are already hearing it from furloughed people. but we still have to pay rent. doc was actually looking at delivering pizzas on the scooter for extra money if the GOP really does this. i'm totally against that, but what choice do i have? we have to make ends meet and can no longer rely on the government.

it would be so much easier if we dealt drugs. that's the only way to make a living in this city if you haven't gone to college or casino school. i don't think doc is cut out to be a dealer of either drugs or cards. we both dealt when we were kids, didn't everyone at one point or another to make some extra scratch? but that isn't a way of life we want. we hate the marijuana effect on our lives. we don't deal or share (no one to share it with) or distribute or any of that. but we always have to be afraid because of what we do in the privacy of our own home. fucking pathetic. i feel like a junkie because the pot does make me feel better, but it is an illegal drug. even when i get my medical card, which my doctor is 100% behind and will do everything to help me get it but prescribe it for me, it will still be federally illegal. it shouldn't be.

how did i get off on that tangent? for all my noise, i'm now scared about the government goings on. now it's going to affect me, and not just by preventing me from going to the lake. it's harder to make the noise now. $752 isn't a lot to live off of every month when your rent is $500 and your meds $100 and your electricity and water $50. then little things like tampons and toilet paper. i don't have to bleach my hair. i don't have to shave, these are places i can save money. but there are some things that will not be deferred, i don't care what the republicans say. the national debt has nothing in common with the household budget. if for no other reason than we can't print our own money to pay our bills. the country can.

shit, time to get doc up.

have a nice night.

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