i get paid this week. which means kelli gets her package this week and my bills get paid. it's all spent. no $$ for the hip pack i found. gotta wait on that. doc still hasn't made up his mind about the paypal account issue, so i can't start making money. yes, i've thought about getting a part time job since i'm doing better. but if i wear my teeth, no one can understand what i am saying; and if i don't, i look like a deranged pumpkin in a cheap wig. plus, i can't work with people. i'm not a team player. i do not play nice with others. i do not make an effort to be social. and when i get into a situation where i have to deal with people and i can't get out of it, the voices start and the rage builds, and it's just not good. that's why i'm on social security in the first place. i can't be trusted with myself.
we're definitely NOT getting another full time room mate. men are scary and chicks are fucking nuts.
one of my earrings broke today. now i've pretty much quality tested the findings and the beads i use. they put up with a lot of abuse. now i either have to fix them tonight, or pick another pair. i think i'll wear my pride earrings for a while. i don't want the holes to close up, which they very much want to do. which i don't understand, i've had them since i was 5.
ahh, shit, it figures. i finally turn the cam on and it flips out. i'm not turning the long-shot cam on until i take my nap, since i'm wearing boxers and i feel self-conscious about my legs today.
this most recent shooting has me thinking that i should get a gun before they actually tighten the laws and i can't qualify anymore. if Alexis could get a gun, i shouldn't have a problem. i can give it to doc to keep in the safe. i certainly wouldn't trust it in my own room, not with my moods. okay, i'm being half snarky. part of me want to get one, but part of me is content with the knife thing. i found another today, i was showing doc a really nice black carbon steel smith and wesson survival knife today and he started looking at the site and found a little knife, 8" with handle, and the handle is wrapped in parachute cord. oh i fell in love. and the thing is less than $20. you can bet that went onto my "Want It" board on pinterest. it's small enough that it will fit in the hip pack i will eventually get. whereas my other blades will not. except my butterfly knife, but that's mostly for show, too much of a pain in the ass to be worth anything in the self-defense department.
anyway, beyond that . . . i located the happy meal toys storage in the garage, so i can pull those out and start photographing them. i have a nice outside setting with plenty of light now and a MUCH better handle on photography than i did 10 years ago.
it's really hard for me to believe that much time has passed. i was on some heavy medication. i think i win the procrastination prize for this one. but hey! the up-side is that they are worth a lot more than they were ten years ago. they're from the 80's they are practically antiques! hehehehehehehehee.
ugh, i have to put pants on and take the dog for a walk. woof. first, feed the cats, so felix will shut up. then, nap. then, wake up and freak out a little. then, wake doc up with coffee and a cigarette and a kiss (awww). then, give doc a time check at 1. then, let him out the garage. then . . . i don't know. we'll see how i feel. i was doing good on 3 pills a day of the med i'm taking, and i reduced it for some illogical reason, and i think that's why i've been off. plus the leggings, they were so comfy. and it's fall, i need more sun. monsoon season ends soon enough. then it will be sunny and cool and i can wear tights and boots and sweaters for a couple of months. i love it here. getting up and getting dressed motivates me to do stuff. if i don't start my morning off right, i'm off all day. and today it didn't start right because doc was here, and he talks to me when i first wake up and totally throws me off.
enough. time to walk the dog.