Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i just want to share

i just wrote a poem about one of the things that has been bothering me. hoping it will purge the whole thing from my memory. i doubt it will ever see the light of day.

today we are teaching chewy not to lay on me all the fucking time. it is a hard lesson that he is in no mood to learn today. he went to escape this morning to find his route bricked up and the bricks buried so he couldn't dig out. that kind of put him in a bad mood for the day. but i can't have him getting out. he cornered the lady up the street again this morning and when i opened the door to get him, she was standing in the street yelling at him. can't have that.

now he's gone to cuddle up with a sleeping doc. good boy. he should sleep with doc instead of out here so i have cat time. they all get together for wet food, and then after, they all take turns coming up to get love from me. chewy, ever jealous, ruins this with his PRESENCE. it's kind of cute, but i have no patience for it tonight. i don't know why, i'm just short on patience.

hung up some art today. doc was right, it looks much less institutional in here now. and the one painting i hung near the lamp actually goes with the lamp. i keep looking at it and smiling.

what is up with the animals? major won't shut up, felix won't quit growling at nothing and the dog won't stop looking at me like i just beat him. okay, got felix let out. he can go growl at the mice and lizards. chewy's still looking at me with those accusing eyes, though. i wish he'd go back in with doc. and major finally found my pillow and binky and curled up with them. my binky is really nothing more than a satin tank top i fuzzle with my right hand when i suck my left thumb. binky's used to be small pieces of flannel with blanket satin around them. but the last one my mom made me wore out and i don't have a sewing machine that works. though i do have a sewing machine. and it shouldn't be too much to get it fixed, it just needs a tune up and lube. i've actually gotten it to work at times. enough to sew little projects. with a working sewing machine i would be an animal. i love sewing and i have a talent for it passed down from my mother.

so tomorrow it tuesday. i have to plan what i'm going to do in the evening. NCIS is only on for an hour. i'm gearing myself up for a change in september. USA, which is the channel that plays NCIS reruns all the time is changing their programming in the evenings. so i'm getting ready for less NCIS. i'm debating downloading them. i have seasons 8, 9 and 10 already. it's just a matter of whether i want the earlier seasons. i'm having the same hard time with Burn Notice. i have seasons 6 and 7 (so far). should i get the earlier ones, since i love that show so much? i think i should.

i'm all happy that you can pin videos on pinterest. i'm trying to make the page and the pins reflect me and the way i think. i don't pin recipes or wedding shite. i have a section of my poetry, and my cam pics from the earlier cam, and pictures i took and pictures of the anim . . . just go there and check it out. it's a visual tour through my mind, rather than the verbal diarrhea you get here. or the vague twitter spoutings you get on facebook.

"Stop Poking Me Lady" is officially out of print. with one copy sold in 7 years, to me. i have the only copy in existence. doc finally said the words to me that i'd been waiting to hear, hoping to hear. "your art isn't about making money, it's about you." which is the truth. people listen to my mp3s. and that makes me proud. i guess i'm just down on myself because of ego. this is what it's like to spend your whole life waiting to be discovered. and here's a secret, you get discovered a lot, it's just what people choose to do with you, or if they throw you away.

there's a library near here. i should go. not to check out any books, but to find potential publishers. there are guides that list all the publishers of poetry or fiction and the requirements of submission. these guides are way to expensive to get every year and with a genre like poetry where publishers go out of business all the time and the guide changes year to year drastically. publishing myself is not the answer to distribution. getting published will at least get me national distribution and potential discovery. i don't want to sell a lot of books, i just want to share.

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