Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

feeling better now

after a pep talk from a good friend and an evening of perusing, i am feeling much better.

rat is doing well. she's asleep right now. she actually bit me today. didn't break the skin, but had enough energy to chomp down. good girl. another of her legs is working. we toyed with the option of splinting her other legs, but decided against it because she is so small and we don't know what we're doing on something that small. so she's limping around. she still has to be picked up to drink water, but we gave her some lettuce so she will also get water out of that.

injured bird died. i don't know why. i'll bury it tomorrow. i've decided to create an animal cemetery out by the rose bushes. that way their bodies will nourish the plants. and it's a nice place. i'll clean out the leaves and prune the rose bushes tomorrow when i bury the bird.

then i have to work on the garage. i am in search of one of the two USB to fire wire connectors. i need one for my mp3 player. it's time to change the songs. and i have songs on it that i don't have on my computer. i want them on my playlist. things like Cutting Crew's "Died in Your Arms". old 80s stuff that got impossible to find once limewire went down. pirate bay is good for discographies. i've gotten a bunch. but finding rare 80s stuff and single songs is impossible. there's no need to torrent a single song.

also, if i clean out the garage, doc will let me paint the outdoor furniture before winter hits and does more damage to the wood. it's time it got cleaned out anyway. we've been here a year. i can set up boxes of stuff to donate. the last time i cleaned out the garage, i had the big door open with the recycling, trash and donate containers set up. it was easy and fast. now it's just a matter of looking through a few boxes and putting them where they belong. doc hasn't used his big black shelf, so i'm going to use part of it.

i'm reading Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury" and it makes me feel stupid. i'm 73 pages into it and i am so confused. the time keeps jumping around. i don't like to feel stupid. i'm about to give up on it. but i keep hoping it will get . . . not better, but different. the notes say that it's written from three different perspectives and i think he just started with the most confounding.

doc tried to explain why we didn't go to storage today. i didn't get it. he said a lot of stuff, i didn't get most of it. the thing i honed in on was that he has to make sure he's paid up before we go. the rest of his words were just crap.

he says i don't talk enough. we fight over that more than anything. he says i am constantly vague. i think to myself he's just not clever enough to follow something that isn't spelled out for him. and most of his problem is that he wants to know more than i want to share. and he won't shut up until i do, and then we have to DEAL with that. it's all so much bullshit. i miss him having friends. something to distract him. that was one nice thing about psycho slut, she was a distraction. i had a lot of freedom when she was around. now i have to answer for everything.

enough. i don't want to talk about it anymore.

the dog dug his way out of the fence again today. we need one more stick. pity because i was really liking him coming out with me when i smoked. now he can only come out with his leash. and i have to take him on a morning walk. hopefully by the evening walk, the fence will be fixed again. i know the exercise is good for me, but i'm lazy. and i'm tired of this neighborhood. people want to talk and be friendly. and then i have to deal with that damn look that crosses their faces when they see my lack of teeth. the shade of judgment comes down. i hate that. i'd rather the dog stay home.

major is crying for me. but he's settled down on the love seat.

i'm not tired. i think i'll read some poetry and play with pinterest some more.

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