Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

birds and books and bullshit

i couldn't get BB to eat before she went to sleep for the night. she's snuggled up now in her nest with cat fur to keep warm, in a box on top of the tallest book shelf. i have egg chopped up, mealworm chopped up and kitten kibble softened, ready for dawn.

i know i'll hear it from animal activists, but i've decided to imprint her. i want to keep her, if i can. her chances in the wild aren't that good even if i don't imprint her. so i will be holding her for feedings and spending time with her outside in the sun.

i spent a couple of hours harvesting poetry from my lj today. i've got about 120 poems. 14 of which have seen the light of day outside the lj. a LOT more material than i i thought i had. and that only takes me back to 2010. i have to go back to 2002 to get everything.

i finished that Vonnegut book and now i'm reading Bukowski's "Ham on Rye". love it. i'm going to read it again when i'm done with it. i would highlight things, but i would end up highlighting the whole book. he was amazing. then i'm going to take his advice and just read whatever i can get my hands on, which is "The Sound and the Fury" and "the Taming of the Shrew" (i've already read that one, hell, i've acted that one). then, a special treat, Bukowski's "Hollywood" and Kathy Acker's "Blood and Guts in High School".

then, it's done with fucking around. we have bolt cutters and a new padlock, time to go to storage and see what is there. i'm only interested in my books. i have a bunch packed up in there, and i want them. many i have never read. well, not many. but enough to keep me entertained for a while.

in storage i have three Tom Robins books i have yet to read, and i hear there is another one to buy. i'll wait until i can get that used.

in one month i will have been in this house a year. it has gone really fast. and it has been a great year, all things summed up at this point. we survived everything and life keeps us interested.

like this bird thing. i'm not a real bird lover, i tend to think of them as cat toys/food. i've had birds in the past. a couple of cockatiels and a cockatoo. they were nice enough animals, but very high maintenance. this thing with BB is a challenge, can i really keep such a fragile life going? i'm going to try.

i should be asleep so i can get up at dawn and feed her when she wakes up. but i think i'll stay up tonight and see if i can't figure out what kind of bird she is. she is all beak, black skinned, yellow patchy down. the beak is long, dark brown and somewhat flat. i have a picture on twitter, but i'll post some here when i get better ones.

i've made arrangements for her future, if she has one. we'll get her a cage eventually. but while she's still small, she can stay in the nest in the box, then in the hamster cage for a bit when she's bigger, but too small to fly yet. by the time she is flying i will have gotten her a proper cage. this is if i can keep her alive, and my hopes are not high. perhaps because i couldn't get her to eat tonight, but she was stressed out and it was sleep time.

i think that's all i have to say. i'm trying to decide what to do next. coffee or cola, cigarette or pot, poetry or bird research, poetry or music? i swear, i'm fucking lost right now. i need to chill out and the bath didn't do it to me, i got to a really good part in the book and got my mind all stimulated. i'm trying to get through the day without medicating (aside from my mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics) or self medicating.

and it isn't going badly. i've also smoked fewer cigarettes. that just kind of happened because i got all lost in my lj archives. i'm just kind of anxious about BB and the responsibility. other than that, all is right in my world and water is flowing uphill.
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