Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

pffffft

i have an appointment with my shrink in a few hours. i have to talk to him about:
the rocking
the shaking
the sleeping or not
the group home
the rages

okay, that about covers it. i sense a medication change coming up. and maybe it's time.

last night i found out that the old poetry readings i used to go to, in a place that no longer exists, have started back up again. apparently now the place is open again. the place where i started here. and it brought up a lot of feelings.

firstly was unbridled excitement. the idea of being up on the stage there again just . . . i can't even describe it. i know the crowd will have changed, and the poets will have changed. but just to have it again, even for a moment. the attention of the room.

then i ran my tongue along where my four teeth are missing up front and realized i couldn't go back there. i couldn't go anywhere and get up on a stage and open my mouth for everyone to see. i have a dental appliance, but it never fit right and i really cannot talk with it in. not even doc can understand me when i have it in, so that is not an option.

and i have to deal with my shrink today, i'm already a mess over that. i can't think about this now.
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