time for assisted living

i think it's best if i start looking for a group home. i can change my guardianship to the state instead of doc. i think it's time i lived with my own kind. getting yelled at first thing when he comes home is getting tired. i can't take it anymore. i either wish him dead or out of my life.

i know there's a place in AZ that i might be able to afford on my check. when i see the shrink next week, i'll talk to him about it. he'll either know or be able to find out. google isn't helping me.

today has taught me that i am not fit for the public. if my meds worked, maybe. but they aren't. and when he yells at me and then screams at me to fuck off while he's on the phone with his buddy, he can just fuck himself. i can't take it anymore. pretending to be normal. hearing about how i'm not all the fucking time.

obviously it's time for me to do something for me. i can live in a group home until i'm old enough to qualify for a senior home, should only be 6 years. i think the senior group homes take you at 50.

i'm glad i didn't move in with kelli in july. then it would be too late to figure this all out and do something about it. i would be trapped in a normal life, pretending. badly.