Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

maybe writing will make me feel better

this morning's sunrise was worthy of an oil painting. the colors were so vivid and varied and the look of the yellow of the leaves against the shaded wall was so amazing. my camera couldn't capture the colors the way i wanted, so i gave up on that.

i'm half delirious with fever. i don't know what day it is, or how long doc has been home with me or when the last time i ate was. it's all snot and pain and sleep. i'm taking an antibiotic, but i think this is a virus. and i have come to terms with the fact that i'm not going to a doctor. i don't even know if doc believes i'm sick. no, he would have said something. he's good like that.

the cats are all being mellow. it's a beautiful day out, i don't think it got below 60 last night. freddie has been bop-bop (outside), lelu has been for her walk and felix has checked out the neighborhood. i can't believe it's 8 already. i should make coffee for doc. i don't know when he is going to get up, i don't know what time he went to sleep. i remember waking up around 2:30 and he was on the floor playing with jack.

he had progress with simon last night. i got simon to lay down at one end of the couch while doc sat very still at the other. once sai sai had settled, doc leaned over and pet him. this went on for a couple of hours. sai sai still won't come to him, and mostly runs away when he approaches, but he runs when i approach, too.

doc is changing shifts at work. to go with our freedom since mike is gone, he is working an overnight shift. the only thing that will be affected in my life is when i have to get up to make him coffee. as long as he can adjust to it, i'm behind whatever he decides. he has to work it.

i'm looking at going through a local charity to help me get a job. they work with the mentally and psychologically disabled. i would have a better chance to get a low pressure, no freakout job through them than on my own. and i'm looking for an overnight shift. i want to stock shelves over night when the customer traffic is low or nil. i don't want to run a kitchen or manage a retail shift. i don't want to do any of the things i have failed to stand up to the pressure of before. i just want to work hard. stocking shelves would give me some physical activity, and would be something i could excel at without stressing myself the fuck out.

so doc and i would end up working the same shift, anyway. the scooter is almost fixed. i'm sorry, MY scooter is almost fixed. BB isn't going to jack it up so i can drive fast. they are going to keep the regulator on it. which is fine with me, i'm not looking to get my motorcycle license. which i would need if i went over 30. i don't want to go over 30 on a little scooter. 30 is fine with me. scoot scoot scoot along.

can i just take a moment to sing the praises of spellcheck? (which underlined the word "spellcheck") i love it in the Semagic window and in the Twitter window. there is no excuse to come off ignorant. you have to actually open your mouth. that being said, it drives me insane the way people misspell shit on here and on twitter. i'm guessing that the iPhone apps don't come with spellcheck. or people are just irretrievably stupid (see, i could never have spelled that correctly without spellcheck).

i was right. writing did make me feel better. i think i can drink some apple juice now. i've gone through gallons of water since i've been sick. especially the past couple of days. doc got me cola and i drank the whole bottle in 8 hours. eating is out of the question. i had some chicken noodle soup and threw it up. that was traumatizing. yesterday i nibbled on a little debbie cake and threw that up. doc says a few days ago he fed me a cheese quesadilla to me when i was asleep. i had no memory of eating it, still don't. i wonder if we have any tortillas. i could make myself a quesadilla.

okay, it's been a half an hour since i said i needed to make coffee. time to do that for doc and roll a couple of smokes for myself.

i'm giving up my Sex Pistols Zippo for a tree. we can't find one cheap enough, so i asked if i went without my xmas presents, we could get a nicer tree. doc said yes. so no racoon cake from Swiss Colony, either. but i am going to contact Rockabilia and order a different tshirt so i get that for xmas. it's already paid for. i just want a tree and some lights for it. it will probably stay up until march, but hey, this is my life, there are no rules. i make up the traditions.

it's kind of nice sometimes to be crazy. it's nice to be my kind of crazy where i'm very rarely violent. i can finally be a kid. i survived childhood and this is my reward. cats and doc and my beautiful house. and a bright orange dutch oven that weighs so much i almost can't lift it. hee.

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