no pictures today. so far. lady gaga's body revolution did not inspire me to share my body with the little monsters. i think she's brave for what she's doing. i also think it's a fool's errand to think you can change social norms with a few photographs and maybe a fashion line. when did i get this cynical? have i always been this way? i just think that way. but how are her precious haute coture going to look on her chunky? but brave. i couldn't do it in her place.
now felix is across my lap and this typing thing is a bit more challenging.
so, i've joined klout. i've joined littlemonsters.com. i shun pintrest, instagram and foursquare. pintrest because i don't shop for what i can't afford. instagram because i don't see the point. and foursquare because i never go anywhere.
next month i am getting a bank account in my own name and reverifying my paypal status. then i am going to sell stuff on ebay. maybe i'll sell my jewelry on etsy, i can get a better price for it. but the auction stuff is going on ebay. i have to bring in more money and i'm not getting any better at leaving the house. i did go for a walk one day, but i didn't tout the achievement because i got lost and kind of freaked out until i happened upon my street. i want to get a job. but there's steps to that. getting my scooter back, which, to be fair to BB, it's almost done. then i have to learn to ride it, which BB is going to teach me. then i have to go get another replacement social security card, then i can go to work.
i want to work at the local seven eleven. i miss cashiering. it was fun and low stress. low pay and no benefits, but i have medicare and doc''s insurance and i don't need much more extra money, another $600 a month would be great. then i could pay for more than food and rent. doc pays all the bills, my medication charges, and cigarettes and anything i want to spend money on. which won't be anything this month. so i can have money to open a checking account next month when my check comes. just try living on SSI. if i didn't have doc, i'd be on the street.
so i've lost two dear livejournal friends in the last month. and i'm trying to figure out what i did. i guess i should just ask. but i don't have the guts for that. i can't stand rejection. i miss them.
i have 83 whole twitter followers! excitement today as two more bands followed me. i always get excited, hoping maybe they can find inspiration in my spoken pieces and write music to go with them. it's been a long time since someone mixed my voice to anything, and i kind of uintentionally fucked over the last guy who did and alienated him, which sucks. i really fucked that up. i was a fucking mess as a cam girl. i'm glad i have all that stuff friends protected here. i can't just have strangers knowing what a loser i've been. let them be content to know i'm a loser now.
i took a long, luxurious european hand held shower this morning. i feel great. i had to comb my hair out and let it down for a while. i've had it tied back because it's been so hot and muggy. but i really hate myself with a pony tail and found myself scowling at my reflection every time i passed it, so time to put the hair down. this is not one of the days i wish my hair was straight.