ghost of love: a poem of sorts

i've never written you a poem
in all the years we've spent together
laughing and crying and fighting and
best of all, making up
and speaking of making it up
i will make it all up to you
i love you more than i can articulate
there are no uncomfortable silences
tense moments dissolve
with laughter and sarcasm and adoration
i know you love me
but i know you love the old me more
and i'm trying to be that me
i want you to understand
i don't want you because i need you
i need you because i want you
the family we've built is perfect
and you have done more
to make that happen than
i can ever thank you for
your understanding
your smile
your ability to read my face
your attention
your caring
these are all things i cannot
thank you for enough
and enough is what you need to hear

i know the past has weakened you
the time with me has aged you unfairly
and you deserve better
i thought i did too, and
then i almost walked away from you
and i realized what i was about to lose
and not from walking away
but from what i have become
but you still stay and
you keep me here and
you take care of me when i need it
how do i tell you i love you?
how do i show it?
i'm working on it
trying to be the person i was
trying to be better
trying to be worthy of you
these are my goals
just to hear you say
you love me again